Scary Dog Book

I'm working on my novel, the one every writer writes, the Great American Novel -- guaranteed to make me a millionaire and allow me to spend the rest of my life smoking ciggies in front of a typewriter, posing for black and white authorly photos, and attending lavish Hollywood parties.

So, I'm working on the book, and the title is "Scary Dog Book" right now, because it's like a baby, you can decide before what you want to name your child, but you have to see their face before you know it fits.  My book has only four chapters, because the main character is stuck in the hospital and I can't seem to get him out.  He's kind of a jerky smart-ass, too, and every time I try to ask him when he's leaving, he throws coffee at me and tells me to bug off.  What a jerk...he doesn't realize I have the power to erase him.  I think he's just enjoying all the attention from pretty nurses and nobody expects him to do anything, so he likes it there.  If he doesn't get out soon, I'm going to start breaking bones, one a day, just to give him a reason to stay and incentive to get out.  That'll show him. 

Here's the thing, if he would get out of the hospital, I could move forward with my life.  For instance, I need a job right now.  But if he had left the hospital when I asked the first time (seven months ago), I could have sold him by now and been rich and famous and not sitting here writing this blog when I should be fabricating a resume. 

If he remains in bed, I'll have to write about his best friend, who is, frankly, a much nicer person anyway, funny and charismatic.  Maybe everyone would rather the jerky guy stay in bed while the funny side-kick saves the world. 

I am reading those last two paragraphs and realizing how much that may parallel with reality for me.  Hmmm...I was told by an author to blog every day, I ignored that advice, because I don't really like the guy that much, but maybe he was right. I hate that.

So, I have to text Tracy about this.  :)  When I'm famous (sometime before Christmas, I think), I'll buy all my blog followers a car.  I plan on dropping the first million bucks on plastic surgery, though, so you may have to wait.  Sorry.

Hello Again

I finally have my beloved computer back after six months of living at my grandparents' house.  Long story, but I'm sure some of my bitterness has seeped out into previous posts, so you probably know why.  If not, sorry...this is not the time or place.

So, over the last few months, I have learned a lot about myself.  For one thing, I turned thirty.  That means instant smart all by itself, so that was cool.  Well, it was cool after I got home from my party and sobered up three days later.  I also learned I'm too old to party.

I learned that I like hardwood floors and red dirt roads.  Lots and lots.

I have learned that, even though I'm a grown up, I still don't get what I want, and I still want to whine about it a little.

There are other things too...when more time has gone by, I can share them.  Mostly, my funny stories need some time to marinate so the people who star in them forget about it and aren't mad at me for writing it.

I have some really good friends.

I may be insta-smart thirty, but I still make stupid mistakes sometimes.  They are either more fun or more painful than the ones I made as a teen...I'm not sure which, but I have a suspicion that they're both.

So, that's what I know.  Night.