A Talk with Myself

Me: :::looks at the messy house::: What do you DO all day?

Myself: Excuse me? I am in school every day.

Me: So? I am working two jobs and getting roughly three hours of sleep per night. I don't think it's a huge expectation for the floor to be mopped once a year.

Myself: What about you? Why don't you ever help out around here?

I: Seriously? Like getting six short people dressed for school, hauling them all over town, waiting in lines for them, emailing teachers, dealing with bullies, brushing hair, feeding everyone, changing poopy pants, washing all the laundry, making the beds,putting everyone to bed, and taking care of the dog and two cats is 'not helping'? School is only three hours a day, what's up with that, Myself?

Myself: Is it only three hours a day? Is it? It adds two hours just for driving, not to mention homework and the utter STRESS that goes into trying to complete all these hours in half the time allotted. If you want me to be finished with school this semester, you're going to have to be more supportive. This should have been a three-year undertaking.

I: Me, you work from home...would it be so hard for you to mop the floor every once in awhile?

Me: Would it be a big deal for you to quit whining? I am going to go get a drink. I can't listen to this anymore.

I: No, I'm getting a drink. Give me the keys. You guys are always going out and leaving me to watch the kids.

Myself: Nobody is going anywhere. Everyone just calm down and get back to work.

I: Let's just all agree that it's a good thing there are three of us. We should all be helping each other and not fighting and threatening to leave all the time. Even "intact" families only have two  adults -- I don't know how they do it!

Me: This is true, I don't know how I'd get through the day if I had to do all the work for Me, Myself, and I. Let's get a sitter this weekend and we can all go relax a little.

Myself: We can't, we have to fix the hole in the wall the kids made and paint over all the crayon. Also, I have to work.

I: Ok, let's just split a couple bottles of wine later.

Me: Awesome.

Myself:  Three. Make it three bottles...one each.