Chats with Emma

In explanation of my huge driving rant yesterday, I had been cut off by a guy in a pickup, and I just think they should have more manners than that...or else drive something more jerky, like a Porsche.  I was disillusioned, and I don't like that.  Dudes in pickups shouldn't act like dudes in jerk-mobiles, is my point.

Today, I had a quiet dinner with Emma, because the other kids failed to come home in time to eat.  It was very interesting, because that girl can talk non-stop for hours with no need for me to make any reply.  I sometimes forget this because Madilynn is usually present to divert Emma's attention.

She told me all about why she had to bring rocks to school in her pockets today.  It seems that her preschool teacher suffers from arithmomania and is always insisting the kids bring things to class to let her count them.  Emma brought rocks because she could fit a lot of them in her pocket, and was hoping that her teacher would be able to finally count to 142, because she never gets to count that high.  I think a mark of a good teacher is that the kids have no idea they're the ones learning something, and this teacher has it down.  Or maybe she became a preschool teacher because she is Count von Count from Sesame Street.  You never know.

Emma and her teacher

Whatever the case may be, rocks were required, as well as a two-hour long discussion over dinner.  

Chats with Shucks

Shucks: Can I have your dinner, please?

Me: No. Get out of the kitchen.

Shucks: Ok. I'm just going to sit here and watch you eat.

Me: Don't.

Shucks: I'm just looking at you. Because you're pretty. Not at all because I want your food.

Me: No. Get out of the kitchen and stop whining.

Shucks: I'm not whining, that's dinner music. For you.

Me: You can't have this food.

Shucks: Good, because that is precisely what I don't want...that food right there.

Me: You're breathing on me. Don't breathe on me while I'm eating. Or ever.

Shucks: I'll scoot back a little if you give me a bite.

Me: No. Get out.

Shucks: Joking! That was a joke! hahahahaha! I don't want your food. I'm guarding you.

Me: Mmmmm.....this is really good. A dog would love this food. But you're not a dog. You're a cat. And a fox. You're a....well, there's no good way to combine those two words, but that's what you are. If you were a dog I would give you a bite.

Shucks: Good thing I'm not a dog, because I don't want a bite of that. It looks gross.

Me: It's not gross...it's sooooo good. It has bacon.

Shucks: That wasn't drool you just saw...I was...crying. Out of my mouth. Crying tears of joy out of my mouth because I don't have to eat disgusting bacon.

Me: It has chiiiiiicken....

Shucks: I gave up chickens for lent.

Me: It has cheeeeeeeese....soooo yummy....

Shucks: Cheese? And bacon, huh? And some chickens in there, too? Sounds....gross.

Me: Good, because I'm not sharing.

Shucks: :::Super Death Bark:::

Me: nope.

Shucks: I was talking to the kids. Warning them not to eat the bacon and chickens.

Me: Sure you were. Go outside. You're weird. Don't be weird at the table.

Shucks: Really? That's a rule now? I don't want your food, yo!

Me: :::throws bacon at the dog:::

Shucks: :::eats bacon in mid-air::: Gross! Yuk! Can I have more???

Me: No.

Shucks: Fine. :::sulks away:::

Me: ::::continues dinner:::

Shucks: :::sneak attacks Donovan's plate and eats all the chicken:::

Me: I thought you gave that up for Lent.

Shucks: No. Beer. I gave up beer and smoking.

Dinner Talks

Tonight I had the brilliant idea that we should start learning to be nice to each other and less bitchy by telling one thing each day that we are thankful for, and one nice thing about the person to our right at dinner. 

This was a fabulous idea.

Because kids love this stuff.

Really.

Like, when I was a kid and we got into a fight, we had to hold hands for an extended period of time with the sibling with whom we were fighting.  That was really awesome of my mom and dad.  It was.  The thing is, it worked.

So I made the kids tell one thing they were thankful for today.

Warrick:  My birthday dinner with Mimi and Pawpaw.
Huston:  I'm glad that we can go play with Daniel.  (Hmmm...nobody was thankful for mommy yet.)
Dalton:  I want to be thankful for something that happened a long time ago.  I am thankful for Cameron (best friend from preschool) for showing me what it means to be a good friend.  (AWWWWW!)
Madilynn:  um.  School!
Emma:  Yeah, school!
Donovan:  I go to school and play with blocks.  NO!  (Because, of course, "no" has to be in there somewhere)

Then, they had to say something nice about the person sitting to their right.

Warrick:  Huston is always there for me and helps me when I need it.
Huston:  Mommy is nice because she breastfed us.  (O.M.G. seriously???  :::mommy looks for therapists:::)
Mommy:  Huston, really...can you please be serious?
Huston:  I am!  If you hadn't, we all would have died, and that wouldn't have been nice.  So it was nice for you to feed us from your belly.
Mommy:  :::dies:::
Huston:  You asked us to say something nice, and I think that was nice, so...
Mommy:  OK!  Yes, haha, I did.  Ok...moving along...I like Donovan's smile.  Donovan, can you show us your smile?
Donovan:  NO!
Mommy:  Ok, can you say something nice about Madi? 
Donovan:  Um, school.  Play blocks.
Madilynn:  Yeah, I helped you with your blocks at Mimi's house.
Donovan:  Nooooo. 
Mommy:  Ok, moving along...Madi?
Madilynn:  Dalton is a very good brother, and he helps me when I get stuck.
Dalton:  I do?  :::plots to quit making life so easy on Madilynn:::  Ummm....there's got to be something good about Warrick....
Mommy:  Dalton, this isn't the time. 
Dalton:  Ok, Warrick is a good brother and he helps me when I need it. (When in doubt, just copy everyone else)

Warrick:  Mommy, what are you thankful for today?
Mommy:  I'm thankful that we could sit here all through dinner and have a nice talk without any fighting or complaining.
Huston:  I'm still thankful for the feeding thing...
Mommy:  AHEM!  Let's just go back to the fighting, shall we?

Tell me, Interwebz, do I get him "help"???

Dinner Conversation

Warrick (9):  I know a spider.

Me (19) (shutup):  Did you sit down beside her?

Warrick:  Yes

Me:  You didn't get frightened away?

Warrick:  No.

Huston (8):  (giggles)

Me:  Did you eat your curds and whey?

Huston:  (explodes with hilarity, after trying very hard not to show that he thought his mom said something funny)

Warrick:  Why do you always have to ask all kinds of difficult questions? 

Huston:  Are you Little...uh...haha...Miss...uh...(indecipherable muttering, as he tries to remember the name of the story)

Warrick:  (dead pan look at mom) And I don't have a tuffet.

Emma (4):  Can I have cheese all alone? 

Me:  Yes

Emma:  Really?

Me:  Yes

Emma:  REALLY?

Me:  Yes

Emma:  REALLY?

Me:  Eat the cheese.  My head hurts.

Dalton (7):  (whispers) Donovan, do you want the rest of my food?

Donovan (3):  (shakes head no)

Dalton:  (puts it on Donovan's plate anyway) Here, you can have this.

Donovan:  I DOH HAAAAAN IT!!!!!!!  (Translation:  I don't want it)  (throws everything on his plate away, in case it got contaminated with the things that came from Dalton's plate)

Madilynn (5):  Why do we have to wear pants at dinner, anyway? 

Me:  If you want to take your pants off, just go ahead and get ready for bed.

Madilynn:  But why?

Me:  (rolls eyes because I know how many times a five year old can ask why)

Madilynn:  (asks why a few hundred times)

Emma:  (in an offended tone) Don't eat the mashed potatoes, they taste just like mashed potatoes!

Everyone Else:  GROSS!!!!

The Chewing

So, if I had to pick a pet peeve, I think it would be Hearing People Chew.  At least, that's what it would be today.  Other days it could be Bad Drivers, Gossips, Other Peoples' Kids Screaming, My Kids Screaming, and most of the time it would be Pretty Much Anything My Ex-Friend Greg Does.  But today, it's the chewing thing.

I made a Ruling today that no child would be leaving their room until it was clean.  I made this Ruling shortly after lunch, before I remembered that I had been up till five in the morning and didn't have the stamina to enforce said Ruling.  Most of these situations end after about one hour of my kids screwing around, then two hours of me furiously "showing them how" (read: doing it for them), but not today...I was just too tired.  So they stayed in their rooms all day long and didn't get anything done. 

How does this tie in with the Chewing Peeve?  Hang on, I'm getting there...

Because they weren't allowed out of their rooms, they didn't get anything to eat after lunch AT ALL.  But, about an hour after dinner time, I started feeling guilty and let them out for dinner.  They were starving, and I made tacos (their favorite). 

Most evenings, I cook something fantastic that my children won't eat, and dinner is spent in loud conversation sprinkled with mommy yelling at everyone to eat their food.  BUT, when it's something they like, it's a normal dinner with normal conversation...

BUT...

If they are starving, and it's something they like, and I'm too angry and tired to yell about anything, well, that leads to chewing.  My daughter made the most massive taco I have ever seen and I was rolling my eyes wondering why she thought she would ever be able to eat that much.  Two of her brothers saw it and couldn't be outdone, so they made tacos roughly the size of Texas.  I was simmering in my chair, just waiting for the day, nay, the WEEK, to be over and thinking up a good lecture (to be delivered after sleeping) on why we don't put more food on our plates than we can eat.  I was wrong.  The three who made giant tacos finished them and asked for more.  The other three made smaller tacos, but ate way more of them than I could count.  But, since they were all starving, there wasn't time for talking or manners....which left....Hearing People Chew.  Six people.  Six little kids.  With only a basic knowledge of manners.  Manners that go away when they are starving.  I nearly fell over dead.  It was awful.  If I hadn't had to run to the store before I put them to bed, I would still be sitting in that chair shell-shocked from all the chewing.  YUK.  I don't ever want tacos again. Maybe next time I will puree them into smoothies and I won't have to deal with the Chewing Thing.

To top it off, I put the stuff away after dinner, but the boys got it back out to make one last snack before heading back to their room.  Then, Sweet Puppy came in, climbed onto the table (he's a little new at the whole being-in-the-house thing), knocked over a new bottle of taco sauce and feasted on ground beef and cheese.  He's outside, now, because I have no desire to see what sort of disgustingess he manages after a meal like that.  Also, he's got taco sauce all over his head.