This week has been a prime example of what I can accomplish when I don't have fourth grade homework to contend with. We have cleared out the entire house. The kids are down to two ammunition boxes for toys, a box of costumes, and a bookshelf. That means we have eliminated a total of eight other giant toy boxes, along with anything that was on the floor.
Donovan is finally out of diapers, which means no more buying diapers for me EVER. Or changing them. Sorry, yo, I can't even babysit kids in diapers anymore.
This morning, when I was all ready to go, I couldn't find Dalton anywhere. Thirty minutes later, he comes walking up the drive, soaking wet from taking a forbidden dip in the neighbor's pool. I have never been so mad in my life. I scared the neighbors, my son, two cops, and the dude who works at the gas station with my death glare, but I didn't lay a hand on the kid, so they can DHS me all they want. That boy is in Trouble.
Then, Ninja Truck was an ass and ran over a stop stick on the highway today (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it). I thought the kids were dancing too much in the backseat and making us drive all over four lanes, but it turns out that pancake tires will cause that as well. Luckily, we were the only ones on that portion of the highway or we would have been in about six wrecks by the time I got the truck under control.
My dad and DUSTIN THE BRAVE (the famous brother-in-law, you know?) came and fixed my tire. Ashers picked up the kids since the AC still isn't working. I had to ride across the highway with my dad, who drives as if the entire world is on the road just to piss him off. We bought him a train horn for his last birthday, and he scares the snot out of people when they make him mad. It's actually kind of hilarious and cathartic. It's hard to stay mad when you can turn people into popcorn just by pressing a button.
We fixed the tire and put it back on. Nothing has exploded so I think it's all good now. My kids are mad at me because they didn't get to swim today, so they all get to sleep in the truck until they learn to appreciate the little things in life, like NOT DYING IN SIX CAR WRECKS.
Ninja Truck is in Trouble, too. First the AC and the not going, now the running over Bad Things at 75 mph...he's being a jerk. Maybe a little tequila in the radiator will calm him down a bit...throw a Xanax in the gas tank...air filter made of special brownies...
Ok, I'm half asleep. But seriously, my truck needs to CHILL.
