It looks as if Ninja Truck has met his doom. He went to the new mechanic yesterday, and after lots of looking and talking and a few tears on my part, I have decided that I just can't risk fixing him and having him possibly let me down again.
This is not a happy day. But more because the girls came home from school with lice. This means hours of combing and washing and laundry and I don't really even know what else because I can't even think about it right now. I soaked both their heads in vinegar, then again in olive oil, then wrapped them up in plastic wrap. They are actually pretty adorable, but I am completely overwhelmed.
After one dose of olive oil, I started combing through Madilynn's hair, just a few strands at a time. I realized that the first round hadn't worked and had to start over. I poured it all over their heads. They are going to have some shiny hair when this is all over with. And also really great shoulder skin, if olive oil is good for skin. If not, then really bad shoulder skin.
After the plastic wrap turbans were in place, the olive oil began to seep out all over their faces and down their backs. I just told the girls to put socks on and now they are walking wood floor polishers.
My mom made the late-night Walmart trip for me to secure tiny combs, bug spray, and whatever else you can use in a war with tiny bugs. I'm glad she did, because my girls' plastic beehive 'dos would have garnered more attention that I probably need right now.
They are excited because they got to stay up late, play hair all night, and they get to skip school tomorrow. Not shockingly, Warrick managed to develop a stomach ache as soon as staying home from school was mentioned. After all the trouble I got into last year with sick kids, that school isn't sending my kids back home without a doctor's note.
The search is on for a new truck, yo. We aren't going to name this one until we buy it this time, guys...I completely ran out of names for the last truck. What I want y'all to do is to start thinking of a really good name for my truck (and don't be all lame about it, ok?) It's probably going to be another Suburban, if I can afford it. Otherwise, it'll be a Scooby van, in which case we are SO calling it the Mystery Machine. But if I get the Suburban, you guys have to help me think of a name. We can vote and everything, yo. It'll be fun.
Showing posts with label ninja truck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ninja truck. Show all posts
Aug 30, 2011
Aug 17, 2011
Train of Thought - the Panic Version
My babies all got home today, and also got enrolled in school -- a mere two days before it starts. Donovan lucked out and managed to crawl his way off the Pre-K waiting list, but I still have to convince him not to poop his pants between the hours of 12 and 4 to make this work. Otherwise, insanity begins anew on Friday.
I seriously considered quitting school this year. My household is already dysfunctional enough when I'm here alone -- the trauma of last school year is sure to be repeated this fall. But for now, I'll see how it goes. There is a chance that God is going to decide I've had enough at some point and things will slow down. There is a slightly better chance I just made Him laugh.
Ninja Truck is still un-fixed. I found him a doctor today, and from what I've heard, this new guy doesn't tell lies and such. Maybe things will start coming together.
The laundry is almost all the way caught up from when the washer and dryer broke. A few more days, and it'll be back to only holding up the walls in the laundry room instead of the entire house. And it's rained, so mowing will have to commence. And something needs to be done about the half a tree we lost in the front yard. Well, we didn't lose it so much as the tree lost it -- I found it on the birdbath amongst the lilies. And there are some major household projects that need to be started within a week. Basically, I am praying for an army of handymen to show up at my house and fix shit while I'm not looking because I still have kids and homework and meals and a dog and groceries and class and church and - most importantly - a blog. So really, I am short on time and long on things needing done.
Clearly, this pisses me off a little bit. But I can't remember a time we weren't running around crazy, so I'm guessing we will get through this, as well. You know what would be nice, though, would be some time to just raise my kids. Teach them things like "how to find your shoes" and "don't poop in your pants" and "coloring is only for paper". The urgent is always getting in the way of the important around here. I wonder how to make that stop?
I think a few beers, a good football game, and some mud to play in ought to fix everything. Maybe next month.
I seriously considered quitting school this year. My household is already dysfunctional enough when I'm here alone -- the trauma of last school year is sure to be repeated this fall. But for now, I'll see how it goes. There is a chance that God is going to decide I've had enough at some point and things will slow down. There is a slightly better chance I just made Him laugh.
Ninja Truck is still un-fixed. I found him a doctor today, and from what I've heard, this new guy doesn't tell lies and such. Maybe things will start coming together.
The laundry is almost all the way caught up from when the washer and dryer broke. A few more days, and it'll be back to only holding up the walls in the laundry room instead of the entire house. And it's rained, so mowing will have to commence. And something needs to be done about the half a tree we lost in the front yard. Well, we didn't lose it so much as the tree lost it -- I found it on the birdbath amongst the lilies. And there are some major household projects that need to be started within a week. Basically, I am praying for an army of handymen to show up at my house and fix shit while I'm not looking because I still have kids and homework and meals and a dog and groceries and class and church and - most importantly - a blog. So really, I am short on time and long on things needing done.
Clearly, this pisses me off a little bit. But I can't remember a time we weren't running around crazy, so I'm guessing we will get through this, as well. You know what would be nice, though, would be some time to just raise my kids. Teach them things like "how to find your shoes" and "don't poop in your pants" and "coloring is only for paper". The urgent is always getting in the way of the important around here. I wonder how to make that stop?
I think a few beers, a good football game, and some mud to play in ought to fix everything. Maybe next month.
Jul 30, 2011
When I Have a Life, I'll Quit Talking About my Truck
Ninja Truck has disgraced the family. He went to a shop. This is uncool.
Even less cool is the series of phone calls I received from the mechanic over the next two days.
Him: MannyRee? Hi, uh...it looks like you'll need about $4000 to fix your truck.
Me: Uh...I could buy three of my trucks with that much money. What's going on? I just needed an alignment.
Him: Well....you have a tail light out.
Me: No I don't.
Him: Yes, it doesn't work...we can replace the bulb for you.
Me: Have fun with that, because you have to take the door off and use four different screwdrivers and then once you get the bulbs in, you realize that there is a wiring problem.
Him: Oh. That sucks. I don't do wiring. But you also have a power steering leak.
Me: Ok. But what about an alignment?
Him: You need new tie rods.
Me: Those are new tie rods. Alignment?
Him: You need new ball joints.
Me: Those are new ball joints.
Him: Well, they don't fit the control arm. You need a new control arm.
Me: Can you tell if the control arm is forged or stamped?
Him: ...
Me: If it's forged, maybe we could tack weld the ball joints. The stamped control arms are more uniform.
Him: MY computer didn't tell me that.
Me: Put my truck back together, I'm coming to get him.
I don't know an awful lot about cars, but when the shop mechanic argues with me based on what his shop computer told him -- it's time to find a garage mechanic. Like my brother. Yay, for brother! He gets to spend more time under Ninja Truck, which is basically his birthday and Christmas all rolled into one. (Don't tell him, though, I want to see the look of excitement on his face when I surprise him.)
I went to the shop to surprise the mechanic yesterday, and boy was he happy about it. I made him show me everything he was talking about and he was so glad for that opportunity. I'm sure he appreciates the more "hands-on" customers. When I called later, the guy on the phone told me I was close to winning the Most Annoying Customer Ever Award. They are scoring big points up there, let me tell ya. I think they quoted the $4000 just to get rid of me. I don't understand why it's such a big deal that I want to understand exactly why they want to charge me more than my truck is worth to fix it. If this isn't a time to ask questions, I don't know what is.
Anyway, Ninja Truck is on his way home, and I have about two weeks to fix him before school starts again. And he can forget about a new air conditioner, because he is being all high maintenance and I'm feeling used. When school starts, we get to start the whole other type of stress, so the truck is going to have to suck it up until next summer.
Even less cool is the series of phone calls I received from the mechanic over the next two days.
Him: MannyRee? Hi, uh...it looks like you'll need about $4000 to fix your truck.
Me: Uh...I could buy three of my trucks with that much money. What's going on? I just needed an alignment.
Him: Well....you have a tail light out.
Me: No I don't.
Him: Yes, it doesn't work...we can replace the bulb for you.
Me: Have fun with that, because you have to take the door off and use four different screwdrivers and then once you get the bulbs in, you realize that there is a wiring problem.
Him: Oh. That sucks. I don't do wiring. But you also have a power steering leak.
Me: Ok. But what about an alignment?
Him: You need new tie rods.
Me: Those are new tie rods. Alignment?
Him: You need new ball joints.
Me: Those are new ball joints.
Him: Well, they don't fit the control arm. You need a new control arm.
Me: Can you tell if the control arm is forged or stamped?
Him: ...
Me: If it's forged, maybe we could tack weld the ball joints. The stamped control arms are more uniform.
Him: MY computer didn't tell me that.
Me: Put my truck back together, I'm coming to get him.
I don't know an awful lot about cars, but when the shop mechanic argues with me based on what his shop computer told him -- it's time to find a garage mechanic. Like my brother. Yay, for brother! He gets to spend more time under Ninja Truck, which is basically his birthday and Christmas all rolled into one. (Don't tell him, though, I want to see the look of excitement on his face when I surprise him.)
I went to the shop to surprise the mechanic yesterday, and boy was he happy about it. I made him show me everything he was talking about and he was so glad for that opportunity. I'm sure he appreciates the more "hands-on" customers. When I called later, the guy on the phone told me I was close to winning the Most Annoying Customer Ever Award. They are scoring big points up there, let me tell ya. I think they quoted the $4000 just to get rid of me. I don't understand why it's such a big deal that I want to understand exactly why they want to charge me more than my truck is worth to fix it. If this isn't a time to ask questions, I don't know what is.
Anyway, Ninja Truck is on his way home, and I have about two weeks to fix him before school starts again. And he can forget about a new air conditioner, because he is being all high maintenance and I'm feeling used. When school starts, we get to start the whole other type of stress, so the truck is going to have to suck it up until next summer.
Jul 15, 2011
Bits and Pieces and No Parts
Tomorrow, my kids leave for twelve entire days. I am predicting a major freak-out on about day four. Me, not them. But my house will be so clean! But I'm probably going to throw laundry and goldfish crackers all over the place just so it feels like home. But my truck will be clean! But it is currently sans wheels in the driveway. But WHATEVER.
I plan to clean and buy groceries in peace. I also plan to sit in the driveway and supervise the dudes of fame while they fix Ninja Truck. Not that they need the supervision, but I figure I should watch anyway, because how many other times in my life do twelve guys show up in my driveway with coolers full of beer? Never. That's how many times.
They took the truck apart tonight, but due to my failure to obtain the parts (which was due to the fifteenth time Donovan pooped his pants in one day), they couldn't really fix it all the way. I assume, anyway. I'm pretty sure driving without ball joints is exactly what the original problem was in the first place. (That's what all the scraping sounds were and also why the driver's seat was sitting directly on top of the parking lot.) Get some ball joints, is my point -- they're necessary.
After my truck is fixed, I need to get the AC fixed also because 110 degrees means that I can't show up anywhere before 10pm without being half melted. Half melted is better than all the way melted, but still not as good as not melted in any way whatsoever. Trust me on this...it's not good for you. Or anyone who has to be around you. You get all your melty pieces on them and they get all pissy about it and it just turns into a big disaster.
I watched my baby cousin today and only hurt her face one time. She's still mad at me for it, and when her mom got here she went all "AAAAH! MOM! Guess what they DID!!!!" And I was all "She totally started it!" And since the baby can't make sentences yet, her mom totally believed me over her so I won that one. Except now she knows where I sleep so you can bet I'll be keeping one eye open for the next few nights.
I plan to clean and buy groceries in peace. I also plan to sit in the driveway and supervise the dudes of fame while they fix Ninja Truck. Not that they need the supervision, but I figure I should watch anyway, because how many other times in my life do twelve guys show up in my driveway with coolers full of beer? Never. That's how many times.
They took the truck apart tonight, but due to my failure to obtain the parts (which was due to the fifteenth time Donovan pooped his pants in one day), they couldn't really fix it all the way. I assume, anyway. I'm pretty sure driving without ball joints is exactly what the original problem was in the first place. (That's what all the scraping sounds were and also why the driver's seat was sitting directly on top of the parking lot.) Get some ball joints, is my point -- they're necessary.
After my truck is fixed, I need to get the AC fixed also because 110 degrees means that I can't show up anywhere before 10pm without being half melted. Half melted is better than all the way melted, but still not as good as not melted in any way whatsoever. Trust me on this...it's not good for you. Or anyone who has to be around you. You get all your melty pieces on them and they get all pissy about it and it just turns into a big disaster.
I watched my baby cousin today and only hurt her face one time. She's still mad at me for it, and when her mom got here she went all "AAAAH! MOM! Guess what they DID!!!!" And I was all "She totally started it!" And since the baby can't make sentences yet, her mom totally believed me over her so I won that one. Except now she knows where I sleep so you can bet I'll be keeping one eye open for the next few nights.
Jul 12, 2011
Simultaneous Surprise Low-Rider Ninja
As I was innocently driving the kids to bible school this evening, Ninja Truck decided he was done with the whole "being on wheels" nonsense and just jumped off of them.
I heard this horrible scraping and managed to turn into the parking lot before he gave up and quit going. I got out, fearing for a tire, and discovered this:
I had to call my brother Anthony who kindly left a bucket of beer in the presence of some friends and called AAA for me. My coffee date with Tracy was doomed, as we waited two hours for the tow truck to show up. Tracy drove me to get coffee at the gas station and we hung out in her car, smoking ciggies and waving at Baptists.
AAA has a truck that WALKS (which apparently is Ninja Truck's plan, what with the forgoing of wheels and such). It walked under my truck and picked him up. In the shot above, you could hear Ninja Truck screaming, "OW!!! My bumper! My FACE!!!" I told him he deserved it. He said it was a lifestyle choice and there was nothing he could do about it...he was born to not be on wheels and he wasn't going to continue the farce of driving around on those horrid things anymore.
I'm all for diversity and everything, but no truck of mine is going to be running around on its framework. We argued and fought for the rest of the evening. For now, Ninja Truck is grounded.
Literally.
Jun 8, 2011
Summer Time and the Livin's Easy....
This week has been a prime example of what I can accomplish when I don't have fourth grade homework to contend with. We have cleared out the entire house. The kids are down to two ammunition boxes for toys, a box of costumes, and a bookshelf. That means we have eliminated a total of eight other giant toy boxes, along with anything that was on the floor.
Donovan is finally out of diapers, which means no more buying diapers for me EVER. Or changing them. Sorry, yo, I can't even babysit kids in diapers anymore.
This morning, when I was all ready to go, I couldn't find Dalton anywhere. Thirty minutes later, he comes walking up the drive, soaking wet from taking a forbidden dip in the neighbor's pool. I have never been so mad in my life. I scared the neighbors, my son, two cops, and the dude who works at the gas station with my death glare, but I didn't lay a hand on the kid, so they can DHS me all they want. That boy is in Trouble.
Then, Ninja Truck was an ass and ran over a stop stick on the highway today (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it). I thought the kids were dancing too much in the backseat and making us drive all over four lanes, but it turns out that pancake tires will cause that as well. Luckily, we were the only ones on that portion of the highway or we would have been in about six wrecks by the time I got the truck under control.
My dad and DUSTIN THE BRAVE (the famous brother-in-law, you know?) came and fixed my tire. Ashers picked up the kids since the AC still isn't working. I had to ride across the highway with my dad, who drives as if the entire world is on the road just to piss him off. We bought him a train horn for his last birthday, and he scares the snot out of people when they make him mad. It's actually kind of hilarious and cathartic. It's hard to stay mad when you can turn people into popcorn just by pressing a button.
We fixed the tire and put it back on. Nothing has exploded so I think it's all good now. My kids are mad at me because they didn't get to swim today, so they all get to sleep in the truck until they learn to appreciate the little things in life, like NOT DYING IN SIX CAR WRECKS.
Ninja Truck is in Trouble, too. First the AC and the not going, now the running over Bad Things at 75 mph...he's being a jerk. Maybe a little tequila in the radiator will calm him down a bit...throw a Xanax in the gas tank...air filter made of special brownies...
Ok, I'm half asleep. But seriously, my truck needs to CHILL.
Donovan is finally out of diapers, which means no more buying diapers for me EVER. Or changing them. Sorry, yo, I can't even babysit kids in diapers anymore.
This morning, when I was all ready to go, I couldn't find Dalton anywhere. Thirty minutes later, he comes walking up the drive, soaking wet from taking a forbidden dip in the neighbor's pool. I have never been so mad in my life. I scared the neighbors, my son, two cops, and the dude who works at the gas station with my death glare, but I didn't lay a hand on the kid, so they can DHS me all they want. That boy is in Trouble.
Then, Ninja Truck was an ass and ran over a stop stick on the highway today (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it). I thought the kids were dancing too much in the backseat and making us drive all over four lanes, but it turns out that pancake tires will cause that as well. Luckily, we were the only ones on that portion of the highway or we would have been in about six wrecks by the time I got the truck under control.
My dad and DUSTIN THE BRAVE (the famous brother-in-law, you know?) came and fixed my tire. Ashers picked up the kids since the AC still isn't working. I had to ride across the highway with my dad, who drives as if the entire world is on the road just to piss him off. We bought him a train horn for his last birthday, and he scares the snot out of people when they make him mad. It's actually kind of hilarious and cathartic. It's hard to stay mad when you can turn people into popcorn just by pressing a button.
We fixed the tire and put it back on. Nothing has exploded so I think it's all good now. My kids are mad at me because they didn't get to swim today, so they all get to sleep in the truck until they learn to appreciate the little things in life, like NOT DYING IN SIX CAR WRECKS.
Ninja Truck is in Trouble, too. First the AC and the not going, now the running over Bad Things at 75 mph...he's being a jerk. Maybe a little tequila in the radiator will calm him down a bit...throw a Xanax in the gas tank...air filter made of special brownies...
Ok, I'm half asleep. But seriously, my truck needs to CHILL.
Jun 6, 2011
Fast Like Slugs
Me: Ninja Truck, it's hot.
Ninja Truck: Yeah
Me: Can you do something about this?
Ninja Truck: AC is broken. Roll down the windows.
Me: But it's still hot. Especially when we're stuck in traffic.
NT: Sorry, yo.
Me: Let's fix the AC.
NT: Whatevs (he's really quite the linguist, no?)
_____________________________________________________________________
Me: There, you are now the proud recipient of of R-2938753984752 or whatever makes the AC work.
Ninja Truck: Yeah.
Me: So make it colder, bitch!
NT: Ok :::blows some non-hot air:::
Me: That's not cold.
NT: Gimme some more of that stuff.
Me: No. You're an addict. Just make it cold now.
NT: Can't.
Me: Fine...not-hot air is still better. Let's go.
NT: Nah.
Me: What? Go, dude...people are waiting.
NT: I'm fast like lightening. I'm still zero to sixty in 4.3.
Me: Minutes, Ninja Truck, those are minutes. 4.3 minutes isn't a thing...it's just slow.
NT: Well, you get one or the other. Speed or not-hot air. Which would you like.
Me: Both. I require two things out of my vehicle -- going and coldness. I don't even ask you to retain oil like a normal truck. All I ask is that you go and that you make it not hot.
NT: Gimme some druuuuuuugs. I want some more of that R-92837429380295826092384502394683024957820349803582093482039850293458
Me: Fine. Then will you go?
NT: Nope. But I'll do the whole not-hot thing until I need another fix. Hey -- stop and grab me a couple quarts of oil on your way home, would ya?
Me: Are you serious? You have a problem.
NT: Just do it. Or I will sit in this driveway forever more.
Me: This is why I'm afraid of commitment, Ninja Truck.
NT: Just get me the oil and the drugs.
Ninja Truck: Yeah
Me: Can you do something about this?
Ninja Truck: AC is broken. Roll down the windows.
Me: But it's still hot. Especially when we're stuck in traffic.
NT: Sorry, yo.
Me: Let's fix the AC.
NT: Whatevs (he's really quite the linguist, no?)
_____________________________________________________________________
Me: There, you are now the proud recipient of of R-2938753984752 or whatever makes the AC work.
Ninja Truck: Yeah.
Me: So make it colder, bitch!
NT: Ok :::blows some non-hot air:::
Me: That's not cold.
NT: Gimme some more of that stuff.
Me: No. You're an addict. Just make it cold now.
NT: Can't.
Me: Fine...not-hot air is still better. Let's go.
NT: Nah.
Me: What? Go, dude...people are waiting.
NT: I'm fast like lightening. I'm still zero to sixty in 4.3.
Me: Minutes, Ninja Truck, those are minutes. 4.3 minutes isn't a thing...it's just slow.
NT: Well, you get one or the other. Speed or not-hot air. Which would you like.
Me: Both. I require two things out of my vehicle -- going and coldness. I don't even ask you to retain oil like a normal truck. All I ask is that you go and that you make it not hot.
NT: Gimme some druuuuuuugs. I want some more of that R-92837429380295826092384502394683024957820349803582093482039850293458
Me: Fine. Then will you go?
NT: Nope. But I'll do the whole not-hot thing until I need another fix. Hey -- stop and grab me a couple quarts of oil on your way home, would ya?
Me: Are you serious? You have a problem.
NT: Just do it. Or I will sit in this driveway forever more.
Me: This is why I'm afraid of commitment, Ninja Truck.
NT: Just get me the oil and the drugs.
May 10, 2011
Not Sure What this is About
I thought yesterday was scary, but today beat it. I got into a little argument with someone who I do my best not to fight with, and I don't ever want to do that again. But I probably will.
Comes with the circumstances, I guess.
I also finished all my work for the rest of the year at school, so I get to spend the next four weeks doing the All Important Sitting in a Chair to finish the semester, or else I will get suspended. It makes sense, really. They are trying to prepare us for the workplace, and as of yet, I am the only student who hasn't figured out how to waste an entire day on Facebook and hide it from the boss. This, I hear, is an important corporate skill.
:::sigh::: almost there....almost there....
The kids are excited for the end of homework and waking up early, which, hell yeah! I can't wait, either. It looks like we're going to spend the summer converting Ninja Truck into a water-powered vehicle. Or can cars go on screams? Because when the kids are in the car, there is always a surplus of screaming. Or maybe hair. Donovan always gets out of the car with a fist full of hair he pulled out of one of the girls' heads. Anyway, something more inexpensively replenishable, is my point.
My roses are blooming. The first time I saw my house, there was this beautiful rose bush covering the fence, and it was a large part of my falling in love with the place. It quit blooming the week we moved in, and I have feared for its life ever since. I am no green thumb, and can kill plants just by association. Anyway, it looks like it'll be in full bloom by tomorrow, just in time for tornadoes, so I'll try to snap a pic before the flowers blow away.
And I think that is all for today. Except this piece of advice: never fight with your mother-in-law on the same day you have to get groceries. It makes you all stabby.
Comes with the circumstances, I guess.
I also finished all my work for the rest of the year at school, so I get to spend the next four weeks doing the All Important Sitting in a Chair to finish the semester, or else I will get suspended. It makes sense, really. They are trying to prepare us for the workplace, and as of yet, I am the only student who hasn't figured out how to waste an entire day on Facebook and hide it from the boss. This, I hear, is an important corporate skill.
:::sigh::: almost there....almost there....
The kids are excited for the end of homework and waking up early, which, hell yeah! I can't wait, either. It looks like we're going to spend the summer converting Ninja Truck into a water-powered vehicle. Or can cars go on screams? Because when the kids are in the car, there is always a surplus of screaming. Or maybe hair. Donovan always gets out of the car with a fist full of hair he pulled out of one of the girls' heads. Anyway, something more inexpensively replenishable, is my point.
My roses are blooming. The first time I saw my house, there was this beautiful rose bush covering the fence, and it was a large part of my falling in love with the place. It quit blooming the week we moved in, and I have feared for its life ever since. I am no green thumb, and can kill plants just by association. Anyway, it looks like it'll be in full bloom by tomorrow, just in time for tornadoes, so I'll try to snap a pic before the flowers blow away.
And I think that is all for today. Except this piece of advice: never fight with your mother-in-law on the same day you have to get groceries. It makes you all stabby.
Mar 16, 2011
Ninja Truck vs. British Petroleum
Ninja Truck: Ok, I'm good now. Just put everything back where you found it and I promise not to leak oil anymore.
Me: Are you sure?
NT: Yes.
Me: Because the last time you said that, you were lying. Remember that?
NT: I thought I was good. But now I know I'm good, just do it.
Me: Ok, because I pretty much just did the exact same thing a second time.
NT: I know...that's all I needed...two times of that, now I'm good to go.
Me: :::puts everything back together:::
Anthony: Hey! Almost done?
Me: Yup! Just replacing the lines.
Anthony: Don't get them too tight.
Me: Pshhhh....I know what I'm doing, yo.
Anthony: :::trying to be patient::: Ok, because sometimes, too tight can leak just as much as too loose.
Me: It took me forever to take these off, so I think they started out pretty tight.
Anthony: :::wisely says nothing:::
Me: Ok, that should do it.
Anthony: Awesome! Start it up and I'll watch for leaks. :::moves oil pan out of the way::: :::positions face directly under former oil drip:::
Me: :::turns on the truck and looks underneath:::
Anthony: Turn it off! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
NT: :::major oil gushage all over Anthony's face:::
Me: :::scrambles back out from under the truck, fiddles with the keys, slips off the truck, starts over, finally turns off the truck:::
Anthony: I think these lines may be too tight.
Me: Oh.
NT: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
:::Thirty minutes later:::
Me: Anthony, did you get a black eye?
Anthony: :::pauses::: I think it's oil.
Me: Oh, yeah. From my truck?
Anthony: Probably.
Me: Oh. Sorry. The lines were too tight.
Anthony: Yeah.
Me: Ok. Soooo.....you wanna get back under there and see what's leaking now?
Me: Are you sure?
NT: Yes.
Me: Because the last time you said that, you were lying. Remember that?
NT: I thought I was good. But now I know I'm good, just do it.
Me: Ok, because I pretty much just did the exact same thing a second time.
NT: I know...that's all I needed...two times of that, now I'm good to go.
Me: :::puts everything back together:::
Anthony: Hey! Almost done?
Me: Yup! Just replacing the lines.
Anthony: Don't get them too tight.
Me: Pshhhh....I know what I'm doing, yo.
Anthony: :::trying to be patient::: Ok, because sometimes, too tight can leak just as much as too loose.
Me: It took me forever to take these off, so I think they started out pretty tight.
Anthony: :::wisely says nothing:::
Me: Ok, that should do it.
Anthony: Awesome! Start it up and I'll watch for leaks. :::moves oil pan out of the way::: :::positions face directly under former oil drip:::
Me: :::turns on the truck and looks underneath:::
Anthony: Turn it off! Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!
NT: :::major oil gushage all over Anthony's face:::
Me: :::scrambles back out from under the truck, fiddles with the keys, slips off the truck, starts over, finally turns off the truck:::
Anthony: I think these lines may be too tight.
Me: Oh.
NT: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!
:::Thirty minutes later:::
Me: Anthony, did you get a black eye?
Anthony: :::pauses::: I think it's oil.
Me: Oh, yeah. From my truck?
Anthony: Probably.
Me: Oh. Sorry. The lines were too tight.
Anthony: Yeah.
Me: Ok. Soooo.....you wanna get back under there and see what's leaking now?
Mar 11, 2011
A Week's Worth of Random
I have been away for awhile because my mother-in-law fell and hurt her knee at work, so the kids and I moved in with her until my father-in-law got back into town. You'd think this would provide a couple thousand excellent blog posts, but sadly, I had access to only a laptop, and I can't type on those, which means no blogging about the last week.
The kids are going to stay with my other-mother-in-law this weekend, so I'm going to be doing some serious partying in the form of studying and cleaning the house and washing all the clothes and bathing the dog.
Here's another thing: Did you know they got rid of the extra space between sentences? When I was learning to type as a kid, there were TWO spaces between sentences. Now, all of a sudden, with no warning, someone decided there should only be one space. Right before I have to take a bunch of typing tests that require only one space. Who did this and what is the meaning of it? I don't think it's right to just arbitrarily change something so fundamental as the two spaces. That's like saying we should all start inhaling twice before we get to exhale. Or we all need to start looking behind us before we reverse the car, right? Ridiculous.
In other news, I have found a job. I found it, but I don't have it yet. The main requirements are smiling and the ability to run a cash register. I can do both of those things as long as I have coffee and nobody tells me what to do. That is what I plan to tell them at the interview, so I'm pretty sure I can land it, no problem.
I took two weeks off from homework and received a note from Huston's teacher about a report he didn't turn in. I should say, I allowed the kids to take off from homework, because they've had a rough week and I just couldn't fight them over it anymore. I warned Huston that he was going to get an "F" on his report, and he chose to flub it and take the grade. The note informed me of this fact. At the end, his teacher apologized for the "bad news". I wanted to move into her house as soon as I read it.
If there is a world where a third grader's F on a book report can be big enough of a deal to be labeled "bad news", I want to go to there. Please, take me there. Because in my house, "Daddy's in a coma" is bad news; "Grandma needs us to move in for a week" is bad news; even "Donovan has screamed for three days straight" is bad news. "The child who can nearly out read his mother got the first bad grade of his life because he was bored with the assignment" is akin to "Emma went outside barefoot and stepped on a sticker". It's not bad news, it's just sh*t that happens, yo. Here's how long I care about a bad grade he got because of laziness: As long as it takes for the report card to go from my hand into the trash can.
Not to say that it's ok for him to be lazy or disobedient with his schoolwork. He was punished for that part of it. I only mean that I just can't bring myself to work up a real good upset over it, because in the grand scheme of things, that book report isn't going to matter a bit. My sincere hope is that I can get to a point where I can worry about book reports and where my keys are and if my cell phone is charged and if someone is going to break into my car and who stepped on a sticker and who made their bed and where the dog went, because oh! what a beautiful world that would be.
Until then, I am going to try to convince Donovan that the people in Japan have it worse than he does this week, and maybe even convince myself that my bad news still pales in comparison to someone else's.
The kids are going to stay with my other-mother-in-law this weekend, so I'm going to be doing some serious partying in the form of studying and cleaning the house and washing all the clothes and bathing the dog.
Here's another thing: Did you know they got rid of the extra space between sentences? When I was learning to type as a kid, there were TWO spaces between sentences. Now, all of a sudden, with no warning, someone decided there should only be one space. Right before I have to take a bunch of typing tests that require only one space. Who did this and what is the meaning of it? I don't think it's right to just arbitrarily change something so fundamental as the two spaces. That's like saying we should all start inhaling twice before we get to exhale. Or we all need to start looking behind us before we reverse the car, right? Ridiculous.
In other news, I have found a job. I found it, but I don't have it yet. The main requirements are smiling and the ability to run a cash register. I can do both of those things as long as I have coffee and nobody tells me what to do. That is what I plan to tell them at the interview, so I'm pretty sure I can land it, no problem.
I took two weeks off from homework and received a note from Huston's teacher about a report he didn't turn in. I should say, I allowed the kids to take off from homework, because they've had a rough week and I just couldn't fight them over it anymore. I warned Huston that he was going to get an "F" on his report, and he chose to flub it and take the grade. The note informed me of this fact. At the end, his teacher apologized for the "bad news". I wanted to move into her house as soon as I read it.
If there is a world where a third grader's F on a book report can be big enough of a deal to be labeled "bad news", I want to go to there. Please, take me there. Because in my house, "Daddy's in a coma" is bad news; "Grandma needs us to move in for a week" is bad news; even "Donovan has screamed for three days straight" is bad news. "The child who can nearly out read his mother got the first bad grade of his life because he was bored with the assignment" is akin to "Emma went outside barefoot and stepped on a sticker". It's not bad news, it's just sh*t that happens, yo. Here's how long I care about a bad grade he got because of laziness: As long as it takes for the report card to go from my hand into the trash can.
Not to say that it's ok for him to be lazy or disobedient with his schoolwork. He was punished for that part of it. I only mean that I just can't bring myself to work up a real good upset over it, because in the grand scheme of things, that book report isn't going to matter a bit. My sincere hope is that I can get to a point where I can worry about book reports and where my keys are and if my cell phone is charged and if someone is going to break into my car and who stepped on a sticker and who made their bed and where the dog went, because oh! what a beautiful world that would be.
Until then, I am going to try to convince Donovan that the people in Japan have it worse than he does this week, and maybe even convince myself that my bad news still pales in comparison to someone else's.
Feb 2, 2011
Who Broke the Interwebz?
So, basically, what happened was it snowed. Apparently, it snowed a LOT, in a LOT of places, only the only place I'm sure about is my particular driveway (and my laundry room) because I can't find Ninja Truck and because I don't watch the news. And I don't really care if that didn't make sense, because IT SNOWED, PEOPLE is my point.
It snowed and the snow broke the Interwebz.
Suddenly, everyone on Facebook is all OMG, SNOW, and all the blogs (including mine own) are all OMG MY SNOW! And we all seemed to forget that it's winter and sometimes snow is something that occurs in the winter and it's just fluffy and white and cold, and as long as we all listen to the news (oops), we won't DIIIIE.
It does seem that the water fairies don't like the snow, so they all flew south for the winter. But the good thing about this is that, if you get some snow in a bucket, and set it by your fireplace for three hours, it will turn into something you can pour into your toilet to make it flush.
Also, if you thaw your pipes, but they are broken, and it's still -1123 degrees, you make a skating rink. Nevermind if it's in your wellhouse or under your floor...fun is fun, right?
And nevermind that I'm an Official Unofficial Plumber now, I am not hogging all that fun to myself, so my besties the plumbers are coming over for skating and pipe repair tomorrow, and to do a snow dance to entice the water fairies back to my house.
I hope the water fairies and the plumbers aren't hungry, because Ninja Truck is either stolen or under that giant drift of snow, and I'm not even going looking for him until at least Friday, which means I am rationing the groceries and can't really share with fairies, which may be why they took off in the first place. Next time, I'm making chili even if my kids don't eat it, because I gosta have those water fairies (do you think they like chili) because seven people in one house means I need some coffee or someone's gonna get hurt. It also means that taking three hours to flush the toilet is asking a little too much of my patience.
I am hoping that the EPIC SNOW OF 2011 or whatever they're calling will go away by the weekend, that the fairies will return, and Ninja Truck will still be running after I flushed the radiator (oh yeah, I FLUSHED THE RADIATOR!!!! Or I watched my brothers do it, or something...but I know my hands were all greasy afterward, so I'm pretty sure I did something with the radiator), and Interwebz will start functioning correctly again. This is my hope for the world, or wherever it is that the SNOW is happening, aside from my laundry room.
It snowed and the snow broke the Interwebz.
Suddenly, everyone on Facebook is all OMG, SNOW, and all the blogs (including mine own) are all OMG MY SNOW! And we all seemed to forget that it's winter and sometimes snow is something that occurs in the winter and it's just fluffy and white and cold, and as long as we all listen to the news (oops), we won't DIIIIE.
It does seem that the water fairies don't like the snow, so they all flew south for the winter. But the good thing about this is that, if you get some snow in a bucket, and set it by your fireplace for three hours, it will turn into something you can pour into your toilet to make it flush.
Also, if you thaw your pipes, but they are broken, and it's still -1123 degrees, you make a skating rink. Nevermind if it's in your wellhouse or under your floor...fun is fun, right?
And nevermind that I'm an Official Unofficial Plumber now, I am not hogging all that fun to myself, so my besties the plumbers are coming over for skating and pipe repair tomorrow, and to do a snow dance to entice the water fairies back to my house.
I hope the water fairies and the plumbers aren't hungry, because Ninja Truck is either stolen or under that giant drift of snow, and I'm not even going looking for him until at least Friday, which means I am rationing the groceries and can't really share with fairies, which may be why they took off in the first place. Next time, I'm making chili even if my kids don't eat it, because I gosta have those water fairies (do you think they like chili) because seven people in one house means I need some coffee or someone's gonna get hurt. It also means that taking three hours to flush the toilet is asking a little too much of my patience.
I am hoping that the EPIC SNOW OF 2011 or whatever they're calling will go away by the weekend, that the fairies will return, and Ninja Truck will still be running after I flushed the radiator (oh yeah, I FLUSHED THE RADIATOR!!!! Or I watched my brothers do it, or something...but I know my hands were all greasy afterward, so I'm pretty sure I did something with the radiator), and Interwebz will start functioning correctly again. This is my hope for the world, or wherever it is that the SNOW is happening, aside from my laundry room.
Jan 24, 2011
Ninja Truck Under Constant Threat From Pinky and the Brain
Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm gonna' celebrate by going to see my favorite doctor and see why my tonsils are strangling me.
He likes me because I always shock him with my smoking and my awesome diet plan, which consists of a coffee and a banana for breakfast, coffee and cigarettes for lunch, and whatever I can make out of popcorn and leftover Christmas candy for dinner because I hate getting groceries.
I may also celebrate by taking Ninja Truck on a little date to the mechanic. On my way to school today, I stopped to give him (I think Ninja Truck is a boy...) some oil because he just squanders the stuff, and I noticed that the air filter was askew, which doesn't mean awesome, even though askew is a pretty awesome word. So I tried to fix it and the whole thing just came out. I didn't pull it out, it was just not hooked to anything. And this truck has a GIANT air filter, so it's just sitting there, perched on some wires and engine-y things, not hooked up to anything.
I tried to put it back on, but I would like to say that you can all just be very proud that I even know what it was in the first place. I looked for a picture in the owner's manual, because I thought that if I could figure out which way it was supposed to go, then I could hook it to the right stuff. But the picture didn't show enough, so I had to call Mason.
Mason is brother number two, which means he's a dookie. Only not a total dookie, because he met me at the gas station and helped me put it back together. We had to take the case apart to put it back, so either the truck came with the air filter not hooked to anything (which can cause serious engine damage and also alter the course of the Earth), OR someone snuck into my driveway, got out their handy flat-head screwdriver and unhooked the whole thing, even though it's kind of a pain to reach the screwdriver in there.
Who would do that? I narrowed it down to three guesses...
1. Donovan, who is always doing things to be actively destructive.
2. Someone (Pinky and the Brain?) plotting total world domination.
3. Nazi Truck Lady
If you have any knowledge of this crime, please call the hotline at
1-800-SAVETHETRUCKS.
He likes me because I always shock him with my smoking and my awesome diet plan, which consists of a coffee and a banana for breakfast, coffee and cigarettes for lunch, and whatever I can make out of popcorn and leftover Christmas candy for dinner because I hate getting groceries.
I may also celebrate by taking Ninja Truck on a little date to the mechanic. On my way to school today, I stopped to give him (I think Ninja Truck is a boy...) some oil because he just squanders the stuff, and I noticed that the air filter was askew, which doesn't mean awesome, even though askew is a pretty awesome word. So I tried to fix it and the whole thing just came out. I didn't pull it out, it was just not hooked to anything. And this truck has a GIANT air filter, so it's just sitting there, perched on some wires and engine-y things, not hooked up to anything.
I tried to put it back on, but I would like to say that you can all just be very proud that I even know what it was in the first place. I looked for a picture in the owner's manual, because I thought that if I could figure out which way it was supposed to go, then I could hook it to the right stuff. But the picture didn't show enough, so I had to call Mason.
Mason is brother number two, which means he's a dookie. Only not a total dookie, because he met me at the gas station and helped me put it back together. We had to take the case apart to put it back, so either the truck came with the air filter not hooked to anything (which can cause serious engine damage and also alter the course of the Earth), OR someone snuck into my driveway, got out their handy flat-head screwdriver and unhooked the whole thing, even though it's kind of a pain to reach the screwdriver in there.
Who would do that? I narrowed it down to three guesses...
1. Donovan, who is always doing things to be actively destructive.
2. Someone (Pinky and the Brain?) plotting total world domination.
3. Nazi Truck Lady
If you have any knowledge of this crime, please call the hotline at
1-800-SAVETHETRUCKS.
Jan 9, 2011
Being Single, sorta
I've decided I really enjoy being single. For a long time, I thought I didn't want to be alone. But recently, I started thinking seriously about what it would be like to be married again, and I realized that it will be a long time before I'm ready for that.
I really enjoy making my own plans and cooking whatever I want for dinner. And my bathroom looks like a drag queen stuck all his leftovers to the wall in a fit of rage, but I like it. I'm pretty sure a dude would make me change that.
I also think a husband might mind me spending all my time in the evening blogging and watching Glee and other random high school drama shows. And I'm not giving up Glee for anyone.
I don't want anyone else to make decisions. I am a control freak, and being alone this last year has not helped. Ninja Truck makes me so happy, and due to the fact that it's actually a pretty crappy truck, I can only assume that most of that happiness comes from deciding all by myself to buy that truck.
But I do miss some things. Like just now, I was all comfy on the couch but I wanted some coffee. I thought, maybe if I had a husband, he would have had to use the bathroom or something, and I could say "Hey, will you grab me some coffee on your way back?" And then he couldn't say no because he was standing already.
See, when you're part of a couple, the person standing is always the runner for both people. I have spent entire evenings really wanting to go to bed, but not wanting to be the first to stand up and have to run all the errands. It never failed, as soon as I got up, he would say "Babe, will you get me a glass of water before you go?" And when I brought it to him, he would also need me to get the remote that we had both been too lazy to grab off the top of the TV, and maybe a pillow, and put the clothes in the dryer and by the time I was done, it was an hour later and he would have snuck off to bed when I wasn't looking.
This afternoon, the dog got out and the fire needed to be tended at the same time. I looked around for someone to whom I could delegate one of those issues. There was me. And that was it. For the millionth time, I realized that, no matter how many awesome friends I have, and how much help I have had, I'm still the only adult here. It's all on me. And that's hard.
But then I was all "blogging and chick flicks, yo!" And I was happy again. I got my own coffee, lit a smoke, put on my ugly sweatpants and put my hair in frizzy pigtails and I'm chillin'.
There are definite advantages to being married, and if I can say that after all I've been through, you can surely believe it. But nothing beats being content. If getting my own coffee means I get to choose between bad karaoke and Greek marathons on Friday night, I'll take it.
I really enjoy making my own plans and cooking whatever I want for dinner. And my bathroom looks like a drag queen stuck all his leftovers to the wall in a fit of rage, but I like it. I'm pretty sure a dude would make me change that.
I also think a husband might mind me spending all my time in the evening blogging and watching Glee and other random high school drama shows. And I'm not giving up Glee for anyone.
I don't want anyone else to make decisions. I am a control freak, and being alone this last year has not helped. Ninja Truck makes me so happy, and due to the fact that it's actually a pretty crappy truck, I can only assume that most of that happiness comes from deciding all by myself to buy that truck.
But I do miss some things. Like just now, I was all comfy on the couch but I wanted some coffee. I thought, maybe if I had a husband, he would have had to use the bathroom or something, and I could say "Hey, will you grab me some coffee on your way back?" And then he couldn't say no because he was standing already.
See, when you're part of a couple, the person standing is always the runner for both people. I have spent entire evenings really wanting to go to bed, but not wanting to be the first to stand up and have to run all the errands. It never failed, as soon as I got up, he would say "Babe, will you get me a glass of water before you go?" And when I brought it to him, he would also need me to get the remote that we had both been too lazy to grab off the top of the TV, and maybe a pillow, and put the clothes in the dryer and by the time I was done, it was an hour later and he would have snuck off to bed when I wasn't looking.
This afternoon, the dog got out and the fire needed to be tended at the same time. I looked around for someone to whom I could delegate one of those issues. There was me. And that was it. For the millionth time, I realized that, no matter how many awesome friends I have, and how much help I have had, I'm still the only adult here. It's all on me. And that's hard.
But then I was all "blogging and chick flicks, yo!" And I was happy again. I got my own coffee, lit a smoke, put on my ugly sweatpants and put my hair in frizzy pigtails and I'm chillin'.
There are definite advantages to being married, and if I can say that after all I've been through, you can surely believe it. But nothing beats being content. If getting my own coffee means I get to choose between bad karaoke and Greek marathons on Friday night, I'll take it.
Jan 6, 2011
Dear Ninja Truck
Did you ever take a drink of something and then realize there was something in it, only its too late because you already swallowed it and then you aren't sure if you want to know what it was and you're grossed out for the rest of the day?
Yeah.
Dear Ninja Truck,
Thank you for starting every day and getting me to class, even though I should have changed your oil last week but still haven't gotten around to it.
I think you are the most beautiful truck in the world. I especially love your extra features that you just can't get "factory" on any vehicle, from your decade or the present one. Like the picture on the passenger door that only shows up in certain light so I can't take a photo, but looks something like this:
Also how the key doesn't go into the driver's door, which gives me lots of exercise when I forget and have to run around you. And the missing handle on the inside back door just shows me that you were ahead of your time in the child lock department.
And since someone already drew all over your interior with permanent marker, I don't have to holler at my kids for hardly anything at all.
The only thing I could ask of you is maybe that you don't drink so much gas? Please? Because dude, seriously. Don't drink and drive. But otherwise, you're awesome, except for that little noise in the belt area. Belts squeak sometimes, I know that...but...well, it's obnoxious. Also the brake thing. I just don't like that much attention, so if you could dial down the squeaks and squeals just a tad, that would be great.
Please don't ever change how you fold up your backseat when I have to stop quickly. I love that. When the kids act up in the car, I need only slam the brakes and WHAM! They can't make nearly enough noise when they're folded in half. Although I installed that seat myself, I think we can take equal credit for this...because I'm pretty sure you're the one who thought of it and I just made it happen.
I hope that we will be together forever, and I promise I will change your oil as soon as I can, and even flush your radiator and make the kids remove their junk from you. Because I wuvs you.
Love,
MannyRee
Yeah.
Dear Ninja Truck,
Thank you for starting every day and getting me to class, even though I should have changed your oil last week but still haven't gotten around to it.
I think you are the most beautiful truck in the world. I especially love your extra features that you just can't get "factory" on any vehicle, from your decade or the present one. Like the picture on the passenger door that only shows up in certain light so I can't take a photo, but looks something like this:
Also how the key doesn't go into the driver's door, which gives me lots of exercise when I forget and have to run around you. And the missing handle on the inside back door just shows me that you were ahead of your time in the child lock department.And since someone already drew all over your interior with permanent marker, I don't have to holler at my kids for hardly anything at all.
The only thing I could ask of you is maybe that you don't drink so much gas? Please? Because dude, seriously. Don't drink and drive. But otherwise, you're awesome, except for that little noise in the belt area. Belts squeak sometimes, I know that...but...well, it's obnoxious. Also the brake thing. I just don't like that much attention, so if you could dial down the squeaks and squeals just a tad, that would be great.
Please don't ever change how you fold up your backseat when I have to stop quickly. I love that. When the kids act up in the car, I need only slam the brakes and WHAM! They can't make nearly enough noise when they're folded in half. Although I installed that seat myself, I think we can take equal credit for this...because I'm pretty sure you're the one who thought of it and I just made it happen.
I hope that we will be together forever, and I promise I will change your oil as soon as I can, and even flush your radiator and make the kids remove their junk from you. Because I wuvs you.
Love,
MannyRee
Dec 20, 2010
Child Labor
I have realized something about myself this week and I am not proud of it.
I am not in the Christmas spirit. At all.
This is absolutely against article #2 of my personal creed..."all people must begin Christmas Spiriting the day after Thanksgiving and carry it through until the day before Halloween. You may drop the Christmas Spirit long enough to complain about the tackiness of Halloween, and to be grouchy while you cook a bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving, but then you must bring it back right away."
So, where are you Christmas???
I think I'm a little out of sorts because I hate that I still have Things To Do. I don't like having those, unless they are Things I Want To Do. I don't enjoy doing Things Other People Want To Do, or Things I HAVE To Do.
So, no more plans, yo. I'm done. I will attend the Christmas dinners at both my grandparents' houses. I will go to mass on Christmas morning (not midnight mass this year, because starting something at midnight with six young children is just asking for a drop in Spirit). I will host the Party Of Awesomeness on Christmas night. And that is all, my friend, that is all.
If I feel like baking, I'll bake something. If I feel like looking at more lights or going to more parties or making more crafts or anything else that people do during December, I will. But if I feel like sitting on the couch and reading while my kids slave away on housework, that's what's going down, yo.
Today, I felt like detailing Ninja Truck. I love detailing my car, it's relaxing and I get to look at it and go "Wow, this is gonna' be clean for ten whole minutes!" So I got the kids' junk out of the truck and made them put it away...which took twenty minutes. Then, I spent five hours doing the rest of the work while they played next door. When it was time to leave, they all came out to the truck with arms full of Stuff They Had To Bring. I told them no way, I spent five hours cleaning the truck and they are never allowed to put anything into it again ever.
We went to pick up my mother in law to look at lights and the kids shouted "Guess what, Mimi!? We cleaned the truck for five hours!!!!" At which she cracked up, but for the wrong reason. The right reason would have been the understanding that my children have never done anything for five hours straight except maybe whine. She was laughing because my truck doesn't look clean at all, because of the whole "when you buy a used vehicle, the first time you detail it is more like figuring out how much of the mess is permanent" phenomenon, and as it happens, my truck looks like BP had some oil lines running through it at some point, and didn't do such a great job on keeping them intact. Just sayin.
But, I had a nice relaxing day of cleaning and discovering that it doesn't really matter if I clean Ninja Truck or not, but I still like doing it. Tomorrow it's the house, which I don't enjoy at all, but I will enjoy looking at it with the satisfaction of knowing that it will be clean for an entire five seconds. :::happy sigh::: I can feel the Christmas Spirit returning....
I am not in the Christmas spirit. At all.
This is absolutely against article #2 of my personal creed..."all people must begin Christmas Spiriting the day after Thanksgiving and carry it through until the day before Halloween. You may drop the Christmas Spirit long enough to complain about the tackiness of Halloween, and to be grouchy while you cook a bunch of stuff for Thanksgiving, but then you must bring it back right away."
So, where are you Christmas???
I think I'm a little out of sorts because I hate that I still have Things To Do. I don't like having those, unless they are Things I Want To Do. I don't enjoy doing Things Other People Want To Do, or Things I HAVE To Do.
So, no more plans, yo. I'm done. I will attend the Christmas dinners at both my grandparents' houses. I will go to mass on Christmas morning (not midnight mass this year, because starting something at midnight with six young children is just asking for a drop in Spirit). I will host the Party Of Awesomeness on Christmas night. And that is all, my friend, that is all.
If I feel like baking, I'll bake something. If I feel like looking at more lights or going to more parties or making more crafts or anything else that people do during December, I will. But if I feel like sitting on the couch and reading while my kids slave away on housework, that's what's going down, yo.
Today, I felt like detailing Ninja Truck. I love detailing my car, it's relaxing and I get to look at it and go "Wow, this is gonna' be clean for ten whole minutes!" So I got the kids' junk out of the truck and made them put it away...which took twenty minutes. Then, I spent five hours doing the rest of the work while they played next door. When it was time to leave, they all came out to the truck with arms full of Stuff They Had To Bring. I told them no way, I spent five hours cleaning the truck and they are never allowed to put anything into it again ever.
We went to pick up my mother in law to look at lights and the kids shouted "Guess what, Mimi!? We cleaned the truck for five hours!!!!" At which she cracked up, but for the wrong reason. The right reason would have been the understanding that my children have never done anything for five hours straight except maybe whine. She was laughing because my truck doesn't look clean at all, because of the whole "when you buy a used vehicle, the first time you detail it is more like figuring out how much of the mess is permanent" phenomenon, and as it happens, my truck looks like BP had some oil lines running through it at some point, and didn't do such a great job on keeping them intact. Just sayin.
But, I had a nice relaxing day of cleaning and discovering that it doesn't really matter if I clean Ninja Truck or not, but I still like doing it. Tomorrow it's the house, which I don't enjoy at all, but I will enjoy looking at it with the satisfaction of knowing that it will be clean for an entire five seconds. :::happy sigh::: I can feel the Christmas Spirit returning....
Nov 22, 2010
Chats with Shucks 5, Nazi vs. Ninja
I have done everything I can to make sure that Ninja Truck wasn't stolen, but there is something fishy about it for sure. I got calls from both the man selling the truck (who is out of town) and his step-dad wondering if I was going to show up (an hour before I was supposed to be there) and making sure I had cash. Then another call ten minutes before I was supposed to be there wondering the same thing. So I purposely went to Starbucks and made myself ten minutes late just to make them sweat. I did that knowing they probably had some drug deal going down and that's why they needed the cash so fast, but I didn't care because I was annoyed.
Then Nazi Truck Lady yelled out the window at her husband the entire time I was there signing papers and letting her husband count the cash. She wanted to make sure he remembered how much I owed. And what person would remember to actually count the money if their wife wasn't screaming it at them? Because obviously not this guy! So she was just taking care of him, I guess. And she also wanted him to tell me one more time that I ought to pay the full amount her son asked for in the first place. I give this guy credit, I would have jumped off the nearest cliff if I lived with that woman, but apparently they have access to really good weed. Or at least he does and maybe he needs to share with her. And he didn't feel the need to remind me that I was taking advantage of his son, but that was probably more because I could plainly hear her saying it and it didn't need repeating.
So I finally got the title and hopefully everything else I need, and I made sure again that the truck wasn't stolen (but I'm still a little afraid that I'm going to find out differently when I try to tag it). I halfway wished I had gone for faster rather than bigger because I just wanted to get as far away from that place as I could. But luckily, I am still not soup, and neither is Brother, who was kind enough to go with me and make sure nobody got me.
All that being said, I came home to discover that I probably didn't need Ninja Truck after all, because Shucks was on the job...
Shucks: Look! Lookie Lookie Lookie!
Me: What, Shucks?
Shucks: Look what I got you!
Me: Um...that's Dustin's truck. It's been here for two weeks.
Shucks: I know! But I bought it! For you!
Me: You bought it?
Shucks: Yup, it's mine. But I want you to have it.
Me: Shucks, that isn't your truck. It's Dustin's.
Shucks: Nope, look... :::lifts leg...pees on truck::: See? Mine.
Me: Dude, that doesn't make it yours.
Shucks: :::melts to the ground and watches his entire belief system crumble around him::: Not mine...? But...I peed on it. How can this be?
Me: Ok, Shucks, I was kidding. Thank you for the truck, you're the best doggie in the whole world.
Sorry, Dustin, my dog marked your truck. I'm not sure on the legalities here, but I'm pretty sure you just got PWNED by my dog. Or your truck did. Whatevs.
Then Nazi Truck Lady yelled out the window at her husband the entire time I was there signing papers and letting her husband count the cash. She wanted to make sure he remembered how much I owed. And what person would remember to actually count the money if their wife wasn't screaming it at them? Because obviously not this guy! So she was just taking care of him, I guess. And she also wanted him to tell me one more time that I ought to pay the full amount her son asked for in the first place. I give this guy credit, I would have jumped off the nearest cliff if I lived with that woman, but apparently they have access to really good weed. Or at least he does and maybe he needs to share with her. And he didn't feel the need to remind me that I was taking advantage of his son, but that was probably more because I could plainly hear her saying it and it didn't need repeating.
So I finally got the title and hopefully everything else I need, and I made sure again that the truck wasn't stolen (but I'm still a little afraid that I'm going to find out differently when I try to tag it). I halfway wished I had gone for faster rather than bigger because I just wanted to get as far away from that place as I could. But luckily, I am still not soup, and neither is Brother, who was kind enough to go with me and make sure nobody got me.
All that being said, I came home to discover that I probably didn't need Ninja Truck after all, because Shucks was on the job...
Shucks: Look! Lookie Lookie Lookie!
Me: What, Shucks?
Shucks: Look what I got you!
Me: Um...that's Dustin's truck. It's been here for two weeks.
Shucks: I know! But I bought it! For you!
Me: You bought it?
Shucks: Yup, it's mine. But I want you to have it.
Me: Shucks, that isn't your truck. It's Dustin's.
Shucks: Nope, look... :::lifts leg...pees on truck::: See? Mine.
Me: Dude, that doesn't make it yours.
Shucks: :::melts to the ground and watches his entire belief system crumble around him::: Not mine...? But...I peed on it. How can this be?
Me: Ok, Shucks, I was kidding. Thank you for the truck, you're the best doggie in the whole world.
Sorry, Dustin, my dog marked your truck. I'm not sure on the legalities here, but I'm pretty sure you just got PWNED by my dog. Or your truck did. Whatevs.
Nov 21, 2010
Ninja Truck and Turkey, sans Nazi
I bought Ninja Truck. And I didn't get made into soup, but almost. I am very glad that the Nazi Truck Lady doesn't know where I live.
I'm going to have to have a little work done on it, so if anyone knows a good mechanic who charges about fifteen cents an hour and gets free parts, hook me up, yo. I'm pretty sure I got a good deal, because it wasn't until later that I realized the guy was actually asking $150, and he gave me the price of 100, then I tried to get him down to 75, and we settled on 90. Then he called me specifically to tell me a got a good deal (and why would he lie?) and also said that he was only doing it because I have kids. I knew those little short people would come in handy some time.
So, I am hoping I don't have to cram them into Dustin's truck anymore, and can cram them into my own truck which has more seating and enough space in the back for groceries and a baby elephant all at once.
And it gets great gas mileage, too.
Ok, that's a lie. But still...for seventy five dollars, who can complain?
Tomorrow is Monday, Interwebz. Can you do something about that, please? I get five days off for Thanksgiving (including the weekend), and yet I'm not satisfied...I want the entire week. Or maybe at least skip Monday.
I honestly have nothing to say today. Nobody made me mad all day. I got a truck but the Nazi didn't even come out to say hi or try to stab me or anything. I went to church but I didn't cry or inhale my gum. So I'm just not really all that funny.
Oh, and the ex isn't taking the kids over Thanksgiving break, but I'm glad because I know he can't. Unfortunately, Huston intercepted the text he sent me, so that's how they found out. Ex said he still felt "institutionalized", so the kids were all asking me where and why their daddy is "entrenched" because "institutionalized" is the one word Huston can't read, it seems. So, that was a fun explanation. They were disappointed, but I think it has more to do with the fact that they know I'll make them perform all the turkey songs they know if they have to spend it with me. Mwuahahahaha
The end.
I'm going to have to have a little work done on it, so if anyone knows a good mechanic who charges about fifteen cents an hour and gets free parts, hook me up, yo. I'm pretty sure I got a good deal, because it wasn't until later that I realized the guy was actually asking $150, and he gave me the price of 100, then I tried to get him down to 75, and we settled on 90. Then he called me specifically to tell me a got a good deal (and why would he lie?) and also said that he was only doing it because I have kids. I knew those little short people would come in handy some time.
So, I am hoping I don't have to cram them into Dustin's truck anymore, and can cram them into my own truck which has more seating and enough space in the back for groceries and a baby elephant all at once.
And it gets great gas mileage, too.
Ok, that's a lie. But still...for seventy five dollars, who can complain?
Tomorrow is Monday, Interwebz. Can you do something about that, please? I get five days off for Thanksgiving (including the weekend), and yet I'm not satisfied...I want the entire week. Or maybe at least skip Monday.
I honestly have nothing to say today. Nobody made me mad all day. I got a truck but the Nazi didn't even come out to say hi or try to stab me or anything. I went to church but I didn't cry or inhale my gum. So I'm just not really all that funny.
Oh, and the ex isn't taking the kids over Thanksgiving break, but I'm glad because I know he can't. Unfortunately, Huston intercepted the text he sent me, so that's how they found out. Ex said he still felt "institutionalized", so the kids were all asking me where and why their daddy is "entrenched" because "institutionalized" is the one word Huston can't read, it seems. So, that was a fun explanation. They were disappointed, but I think it has more to do with the fact that they know I'll make them perform all the turkey songs they know if they have to spend it with me. Mwuahahahaha
The end.
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