Epic Shopping

Grocery shopping sucks.

I have been trying to get this budget under control for three months, and just this month, it all started to come together, but we hit a few snags.  This resulted in trips to the grocery store about every other day, and never having the right foods in the house.  You know when you have lots of hamburger meat, half a bag of tortillas and eight thousand popsicles, and you try to make a dinner out of it?  Yeah, that's what it's been like.

So, today I decided to fix it.  I planned a menu for two weeks.  I hate doing that.  Especially after I had to eat April's lunch today and I never want to see food again.  (Not the lunch she made, but the lunch she couldn't eat, and didn't want to hurt the cook's feelings.)  Ugh.  So I made up some meals we might eat and we might not.

Then I added a bunch of random stuff to the list.  This was mostly stuff that I remembered wishing I had in the house throughout the last few weeks, but I probably won't ever want it again.  Like buffalo wings.  I love wings, but I don't really eat them when they're around.  But it's covered, just in case. 

Then I went around the house and made sure we put everything on the list we might need in the next two weeks:  toothpaste, laundry detergent, dog food....beer.  (Ok, beer wasn't on the list, but I did regret this later.)

Then I loaded up the kids and went shopping.  For three hours.  This was our Epic Trip to Avoid Walmart for at Least Two Weeks.

I usually get a lot of looks when I take my kids shopping.  Mostly, it's either other worn out moms with sympathetic smiles, or older couple who ask my kids if they have girlfriends and stuff.  Today was the same until we got to filling the second cart.  Then I started getting looks that were clearly judgemental.  I think they said things like:

You're making an eight year old push that heavy cart? 
Do you really need those cookies?
That's a lot of bread.  (Someone actually said this to me once...I was like, hi, this is a lot of kids.)
Why is that second cart full of beer? (hahaha!  Just kidding!  But I still regretted this.)

THREE HOURS LATER, I was ready to check out.  The checker started crying when we started unloading the second cart.  My kids, who had been very good up to this point, started asking for every single impulse item near the register, and trying to hop on the moving carts of everyone walking by.  I was flustered and yelling at everyone.  This took another half hour.

We left, and on our way out, we ran into a Large Family!  They had five kids, long hair, skirts and two parents...my kind of people, right?  So I smiled all big at the mom.  She glared at me.  What?!?!?!  I'm like you, lady!  I home school!  I go to church!  I believe in marriage and kids!!!  (I realize that I sound all racist about home schooling here, but that's because I am a little racist about home schooling, because home schoolers tend to be racist against the whole world.)  But wait, I looked down.  I was wearing shorts, all sweaty and screamy, my kids were still half dressed because we just left the pool, and I didn't have husband in tow or a ring on my finger....so nope, prolly not their kind of people after all.  So, basically, I don't fit in with the DINK's (double income no kids) from my town that give me looks in the store, and I don't fit in with the crazy big family people, either???  Darn.

On the upside, our van was so full of food that the suspension was taxed, and we got to ride home like this:

...and I dont' have to shop for at least two weeks.  Oh, except to replace the things that melted in the 105 degree heat and the few gallons of milk that exploded when my kids helped carry them in.  Darn again...I need to go back tomorrow.  (PS, this is where the beer should come in.)

In Honor of my Sister

Today is my oldest sister's birthday (but I'm still the oldest, so BACK. OFF.)...so here are some memories...

Once, I made her lie for me.  Then I said, "No, you won't be able to."  She said, "uh-huh!" So I said, "OK" (I was really afraid of getting caught, and made a bad judgement call here).  She cannot lie.  The girl is physically incapable of lying.  So I coached her to keep her tongue in her mouth and not look weird or anything. My mom called her downstairs..."Ashley, was Mandy asleep last night or was she on the phone with Boyfriend?"  Ashley (tongue out, rolling eyes, fidgeting, looking absolutely weird, and nearly unintelligible) "She waaas ashhhleeeep...?????"  My mom: "Mandy, you're grounded."  And I couldn't even be mad, because it wasn't really her fault.  I had totally asked her to do something she was clearly not made to do.  It was like asking her to fly or something.

Another time (I'm sure this was the same year), I decided to be really bad and smoke a cigarette in my room.  Ashely promised she wouldn't tell, and I was fairly certain my mom wouldn't ask about this one.  But just in case, I made Ashley take a drag, too, to prove she wouldn't rat me out.  She didn't, and it was actually kind of mean of me, now that I think about it.  As a matter of fact, I'm probably in trouble now, because I just told Internet something I never actually got busted for. 

We used to have "Trading Posts" and trade our stuff to each other.  The little kids got screwed out of some good toys that way.

If Ashley read my blog, she would crack up at this...possibly Britton, too.  Too bad I can't tell the whole story, but see if this rings a bell..."Ashley?  Ashley?  Um....are you ok?"  (Britton running back to our room as fast as her skinny little legs would go)  (Ashley trying to come up the stairs, but she's laughing so hard she almost didn't make it)

Driving to Dallas with Melanie in the middle of the night.  It's pouring rain and traffic is stopped.  Random Guy knocking on our window, "What's up?" Us, "Rain".  Guy, "Roll down the window."  Us, "HELL no."  Marc and Crystal calling to yell at us later...good times.

She was my maid-of-honor, and I was hers.

Random list:

• Tequila shots
• bachelorette parties
• sleepovers
• Christmas parties
• Rib Crib
• first apartment
• walking to school
• giant anthill at the end of the road at our old house (killer ants, yo, they would climb your bike to eat you.)
• taking Warrick for walks
• Western Hills

Ash, I hope you have a great birthday, have a BLAST your last year in your twenties, and I love you forever!  Thanks for always being my sister and friend.