Me: Ninja Truck, it's hot.
Ninja Truck: Yeah
Me: Can you do something about this?
Ninja Truck: AC is broken. Roll down the windows.
Me: But it's still hot. Especially when we're stuck in traffic.
NT: Sorry, yo.
Me: Let's fix the AC.
NT: Whatevs (he's really quite the linguist, no?)
_____________________________________________________________________
Me: There, you are now the proud recipient of of R-2938753984752 or whatever makes the AC work.
Ninja Truck: Yeah.
Me: So make it colder, bitch!
NT: Ok :::blows some non-hot air:::
Me: That's not cold.
NT: Gimme some more of that stuff.
Me: No. You're an addict. Just make it cold now.
NT: Can't.
Me: Fine...not-hot air is still better. Let's go.
NT: Nah.
Me: What? Go, dude...people are waiting.
NT: I'm fast like lightening. I'm still zero to sixty in 4.3.
Me: Minutes, Ninja Truck, those are minutes. 4.3 minutes isn't a thing...it's just slow.
NT: Well, you get one or the other. Speed or not-hot air. Which would you like.
Me: Both. I require two things out of my vehicle -- going and coldness. I don't even ask you to retain oil like a normal truck. All I ask is that you go and that you make it not hot.
NT: Gimme some druuuuuuugs. I want some more of that R-92837429380295826092384502394683024957820349803582093482039850293458
Me: Fine. Then will you go?
NT: Nope. But I'll do the whole not-hot thing until I need another fix. Hey -- stop and grab me a couple quarts of oil on your way home, would ya?
Me: Are you serious? You have a problem.
NT: Just do it. Or I will sit in this driveway forever more.
Me: This is why I'm afraid of commitment, Ninja Truck.
NT: Just get me the oil and the drugs.
