Watching the kids at the funeral on Saturday really touched my heart. I won't mention their names, but they are the children of three sisters who grew up with our family. Reflecting on the conflict I have seen in our family and others over the last few years, I feel compelled to write an uppity holier-than-thou piece. Please feel free to disregard it and wait until tomorrow's post on a talk I had with Ninja Truck this afternoon.
Ten Reasons NOT to Write Off Family
1. Parents - When you are twenty, you are so much smarter than when you were sixteen. Multiply that by a thousand and see how much you learn in your twenties. You are basically an idiot until you are thirty, is my point. Possibly later, although I am pretty much a genius at this point, so thirty is the magic age as far as I'm concerned. Your parents have made mistakes. You are going to kick their asses at mistake-making with your own kids, so get off your high-horse and call your mama. You're going to need her when you're up at 3am with a feverish baby, nine months pregnant while your husband is out of town. Your dad is the only one who is going to forget how dumb you are the first time you do something smart, too. So keep him around -- he may be your last remaining cheerleader.
2. Grandparents - Your grandparents have spent their lives preparing the world for your precious little butt to get here. Don't screw it up for them.
3. Sisters - One day, you're going to cry over something you have no desire to talk to your parents about. That is what sisters are for. One day, you're going to do something so stupid you can never talk about it again. Sisters will forget it. One day, you're going to be holding the hand of your mother or father as they die. Your sister will take your place when you have to leave the room.
4. Brothers - One day, you're going to realize that you're old and your life sucks and you never did have enough fun. Your brother is going to buy you beer and pretend like you're both twenty until you realize that you don't want to be that young again anyway. One day, your boyfriend/husband is going to piss you off. Your brother is the reason he won't do it again. One day, you're going to find yourself old and alone, rattling around in a big old house you can't take care of. Your brother is going to help you get things working again.
5. Aunts - Aunts love you as much as your mama, but don't get nearly as mad. They are the voice of reason we all need, but can't always hear from our own mothers. And they are the best to laugh with.
6. Uncles - Uncles are for trouble. Getting into it or out of it, either one. And they will tell you all the dirt on your mom and dad.
7. Cousins - This is what I learned this week, watching the injured little girl who didn't look up all day. Her cousins brought her cookies and they had "tea". Then each cousin grabbed a handle on her wheelchair and sped her around until she was giggling. They took her to look at picture of her brothers, and she told them stories about each picture. They said "where do you want to go now?" and she pointed and they raced away. Cousins cross the line between family and friend. They are close enough to care, yet far enough to take your mind off of things. Cousins are the friends God chose for you.
8. In general - Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, I don't talk to my family because...blah blah blah...?" It sounds trashy and hateful, no matter what the reason.
9. If you can write off your family, you can write off ANYONE, and I don't trust that.
10. We aren't here forever, and we aren't all going to die of old age. Being "right" isn't worth telling someone you're sorry while you are standing over a headstone. Holding a grudge isn't worth spending your last breath in regret. Saving face isn't worth a lifetime of pretending to ignore a kindred spirit. Petty pride isn't worth withholding comfort in dark times. Anger is bad enough alone, but when it replaces love, you may as well lay down and give up, because you have chosen to be unhappy.
A final note: NONE of this applies to me. In my singular coolness, I have never made a mistake, my parents are insane, my cousins are assholes, and my aunts pinch cheeks. Unforgivable, the lot of them. But for the rest of you, be cool, yo.
