Open House

Kindergarten and Pre-K had an open house at school this evening. I seriously considered skipping it, but my girls had been so excited about it, and have missed so much fun at school this week, I decided we should go.

Because of my late decision making, we weren't really prepared for an evening in public of Hoity Toity Town. I left the house thinking "at least we're all dressed". Emma was wearing all black, including a little skirt that kept falling off of her, because she wanted to "match" and "be fancy". She also had on purple snow boots. Madi's outfit was more pulled together, except her pants didn't exactly fit and I forgot to pull her hair back. I didn't even want to notice what the boys were wearing. Didn't matter, anyway, because I pulled a tight jacket over a giant t-shirt and stuck my hair in a baseball cap.

When we got there, I thought maybe they had sent home a "black tie" notice on one of our sick days. All the dads were in their work clothes, which, you would think I could identify with, but I didn't see one blue collar type dad there. The scrubbiest-dressed dads were literally wearing surgeon's scrubs.

I overheard a few conversations between the men who were just meeting, talking about flying to so-and-so and trying to get back in time to catch a plane to somewhere-else. If one guy had more places to go, the other guy would go all "Well, nice to meet ya, man" all loud, because it doesn't matter where you're going if you're louder than the other guy.

It reminded me of a scene I witnessed yesterday when a strange dog was barking at Shucks through the fence. They barked for awhile, then Shucks chased him about halfway along the fence line. The strange dog stopped to pee on a fence post. As soon as he turned away, Shucks went and peed on the same post. The other dog, not to be outdone, came back to pee in the same spot. Shucks said, "You can pee all you want, but it's still my fence. Nice to meet ya, man!" and walked away with his head held high.

There was one mom dressed like me tonight, meaning, she hadn't had time for makeup and curling irons or even a brush, and her jacket may not have been smaller than her t-shirt, but her sweatpants were. I couldn't stop to make friends, though, because she was also surrounded by a ten-foot circle of kids...we just gave each other a nod from across our sea of children and went on our way.

I did try to talk to a few of the elite crowd, but Donovan had an unfortunate case of the gassies, and because he insisted I carry him the entire time, there weren't many people who wanted to get close enough to us to chat.

The girls had a great time showing off their classrooms, which made the evening worth it. Who needs Hoity Toity when we can be country together? Or whatever you call little black dress with purple snow boots.

Feeeeeeeeeeeelings.....

My inner girlie girl found me today. That happens when I sit still, she catches up to me. I was at church, and she gets me there a lot...that's one full hour she knows I'm not going anywhere.

I was trying very hard to ignore her and it was taking all of my focus, but my very nice baby brother (who probably saw that the girl was bothering me) offered to take Donovan, who was being a giant pain in the bootay, and it distracted me just enough that she caught me.

Yep, you guessed it...she made me cry. And it wasn't the nice pretty tearing up kind of crying, either, like the movie stars do. It was the sobbing, gasping, messy kind of crying.

So, I did the Right Thing and ran out of the church to find a less conspicuous place to banish the girl. On the way, I tried not to look at anyone and I knocked over some guy...since I wasn't looking, I'm not sure who it was. I hope he and the baby he was carrying were ok, but I never figured out who it was.

He's lucky though, because all I could see of him was a crisp white dress shirt, and it was a tad tempting to use it as a tear sopper, but since I was refusing to look at anyone and therefore didn't know if he was a serial killer or not, I didn't do it.

I was trying really hard not to lose it on the way down the hall, but I didn't quite make it, and did that omg-I-SUCK-at-trying-not-to-cry snort, and inhaled my gum. This, my friends, is why you're not allowed to chew gum at church. Something was telling me to spit it out, but Donovan was being so bad that I forgot. So that's what I get. Now, if I breathe too deep, I feel bubbles in my lungs. I'm sure that's nothing to worry about...totally fine, lung bubbles. They're awesome.

I went to the bathroom and tried to chill a little, and noticed that my face was the same color as the bright red sweatshirt I had on, which, at this point, can you tell that I wasn't at all ready to go to church today? Well, I wasn't, which means I wasn't wearing makeup either, and that's a bonus if your emotions decide to explode on you with no warning.

And now people are asking me what's wrong, and I have the best story of all for them: Uh...I don't really know. I just lost it a little. Ok, a lot. But I'm not sure why. Because I try to deny the fact that sometimes feelings don't just go away...I don't know.

Moral of the story, folks:
1. Don't chew gum in church
2. Remember to get dressed for church
3. Lung bubbles are full of the Awesome
4. Never wear makeup
5. Emotions are assholes, yo

Circa 1995, With Sound Effects and Everything

During the crazy day I had today, I thought of over 1000 topics for this post.  Unfortunately, I forgot all of them.  So, because I just moved and had occasion to drag out all my old stuff, I thought maybe I would post for you from fifteen years ago.  :::time warp noise::: 

...wait, I forgot something...:::time warp back noise::: One of my new favorite blogs, SteamMeUpKid, should get some credit here, as she has posted some of her high school journaling, and even some insanely grown-up stories she wrote at age eight.  She's a little less filtered than I, so don't click the link if you don't like that stuff, but if so, check her out, because she's Funny, yo.

:::time warp back again noise::: (the parts in blue are from now...everything else is embarrassingly real)

January 25, 1995

Dear Journal,
...we went skating for my birthday.  It was lots of fun.  Everybody gave me lots of great stuff (happy birthday to me!  I STILL love Great Stuff).  I even got a silver ID bracelet with my name on the front...I love it!!!!  Jason was really understanding about it (Jason is so nice to allow me to receive a gift on my birthday and be all understanding).  I'm really grateful for it, too (not sure if I meant the Great Stuff or the understanding).  I  suppose I'll have to talk to Braden sometime about the fact that I already have a boyfriend.  I guess I'm putting it off because I don't want to hurt him.  I do love him...like a brother....

January 26 (the next day, yo)

Dear Journal,
I'm still worried about Braden.  The strange thing is, I'm starting to wonder if I really do like Braden more than Jason (Even though he was practically my brother yesterday.  I'm sure this had nothing to do with the fact that he gave me something sparkly for my birthday.).....I guess I just need to realize that I'm only fifteen, and that I don't have to make all of my life's decisions right now (Exactly.  Only make one or two right now.  Fifteen year olds know a LOT, but not everything, sheesh).   Maybe I should just wait, but something tells me that I might lose Braden right when I realize that he's "Mr. Right." (Again with the not making decisions right away...I mean, you can't let these fifteen year old boys slip away!  You gotta' grab 'em when you get the chance because they're so hard to get!  Also, clearly he was Mr. Right...sparkles for the birthday pretty much tell you anything you need to know.)

January 30

Dear Journal,
I have Jason wrapped around my finger (or so it seems). (See how humble?)  I would just love for him to get mad at me - and show it (Because, hi, who doesn't want that?) - just to see if he will, so I've devised a plan.  (Humble and sadistic...those were my best features.)  (Ok, you got me...those are my best features.)  On Friday, I bunch of us are going out...and I could work this out with Braden and AJ to flirt a lot (a LOT, not just a little...because, really, I don't even know what flirting is, so a little probably wouldn't show up much.) with them, and for them to completely ignore me.  That way Jason would have to be mad, but he couldn't be mad at them. (Brilliant!  My other Awesome Feature is brilliantness!) I know this is mean...maybe I will, maybe I won't.  (I know, Journal, you're dying of suspense...just hang on, ok?)

January 31

Dear Journal,
Well, I won't.  Be mean to Jason, I mean.  He's not going on Friday.  At least that means I don't have to worry about if I should wear the bracelet from Braden, because Jason won't be there to see it, and it will make Braden happy.  So, problem solved.  Except we have to dissect frogs that day, so maybe not. (A girl can't have her controversial sparkly things all covered in frog bits.) WAIT!!!! (Seriously, stop reading and just pause for a second, because you're gonna' want to sit down or something for this next part.) I just talked to Jason and he is going.  Oh, well.

February 2

Dear Journal,
I'm in big trouble now.  I really did it this time.  I can't believe it.  I fell in love with Braden!!!  I'm so mad (sort of).  (Yes, so sort of mad is a real emotion, yo...TRY BEING A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!!!)

February 5

Dear Journal,
...I broke up with Jason. (I'll bet you didn't see this coming...you thought I would torture him with my flirting plans forever, but no...the flirting thing never worked out, because I wasn't any good at it and Jason didn't notice.) I just told him that I wanted to, and he said "OK".  My cousin said that I never liked Jason and that I was just goin' with him because he's older and he gave me jewelry (wha....???  Where did my cousin get this idea?).  I'm gonna kill him.  That is not true.  I loved Jason!!!!!  (Or at least I thought I did) (Exactly!  C'mon...who would question the love a fifteen year old girl will admit to thinking she had, maybe, sort of?) Anyway, It's over, and I'm glad.  I feel so free.  (bwahahahahaha!!!)

February 16

Dear Journal,
...My dad is about to freak out because he thinks I wanna go out with Braden. (What?!?!  Where did he get this idea?  That man must be crazy!  Silly Dad!  LOL!)  I do like Braden, but I don't want a boyfriend right now.  Probably not for a year. (yup, I'm thinkin' a year sounds good...)

March 20 (did I say a year?  I meant a month.  Silly typos!  or whatever you call them when they're hand written....HA!)

Dear Journal,
Braden asked me to be his girlfriend!!!  I'm so happy!!! (Me too!!!  I think it's all the exclamation points!!!!!) He called me and we talked for about ten minutes.  (I just don't know what to say here, but I feel the need to snark on this whole ten minutes thing...:::says something witty and snarky:::  There.)
Braden:  I have a question to ask you.
Me: OK
B: It's a really important question.
Me: OK
B: I don't care if you say no. (What? He doesn't care if I say no? Should this have told me something? Nah...)
Me: OK (My vocabulary is amazing, I'm sure this is what attracted Braden in the first place.)
B: Will you be my girlfriend?
Me: Yeah (:::nearly faints from the romance:::)
B: Think about it, I don't care if you say no.  I don't want you to feel sorry for me. (Again with the not caring...and throw in a "don't feel sorry for me"...this guy needed me to save him, yo! Look at the poor thing. Nobody wuvs him...he needs me.)
Me:  I don't feel sorry for you.
B: Yeah, ri...
Me: Braden!  Yes, ok? (I said this just like a movie star would have, too.)
B: Ok, bye.
Me: Bye.

I still can't get over that conversation. (Who could get over this conversation?  I probably shouldn't have shared it with you, Internet, because you'll never sleep again what with all the thinking of this conversation.) When I told mom, she got mad, but I love him and no one, not even myself can stop that. (That's what I always say....not even myself, y'all...this was Real Love.  I mean, I couldn't stop myself, and neither could my mom, and she's kind of a ninja.)

A Letter to My New Boyfriend

Dear Gordita Supreme,

Where have you been all my life?  I know that's a pretty cheesy line, but I happen to know that you've been around for awhile, and never once has anyone told me how incredible you are.

Fate brought us together today because you were on the new $2 menu, and I had exactly $2....I wouldn't have even looked at you except that you came with a drink.  As luck would have it, I was parched, and didn't have enough cash for my typical Taco Bell choice, so the awesome drink won out.

Little did I know it was a match made in heaven.

I'm not sure what you're wrapped in, but it's all yummy and not a boring old tortilla at all (which probably disqualifies you as Mexican food).  Then you are all filled up like a taco, but so much better. I could have sat with you all day, but you were a little over-filled and tried to get to second base, and that was a little too much for out first meeting.  I'm just not that kind of girl, Gordita.

Now, Gordita, my love, do not be afraid.  I will not stalk you, nor will I stock you (I AM the interwebz, foo'), because even though I had $2 today, on most days, I do not.  And even if I had $2 on most days, I would, in all honesty, not spend it on you.

But there would be some days...maybe one per month?  Oh, then, Gordita, we could be together on those days, and it would be fantastic. 

I love you forever, and I'm so glad we've finally met.

Love,
MannyRee