Answer Your Phone, Is My Point

I'm MannyRee, and if you know me personally, you are probably in the hospital or a missing person right now....

Today, we lost my mom.  I mean, she's still alive; we literally lost her.  Truthfully, she lost herself.  I had a million frantic calls on my cell when I left class, all of them siblings and all wondering if I knew where mom was. 

The first coherent sentence I got was "We found her car."  Which, frankly, wasn't reassuring.

One sister had found my mom's car in the parking lot at the hospital (which is where most of the people we know are located today), so everyone was feeling better until they still couldn't get her to answer a cell phone call or a hospital page.

I was sent to my mom's house to raid the neighbors' mailbox to find a last name, because that was the most likely person for my mom to be visiting right then, only we don't actually know her name.  So I did that, found the name, broke into my mom's house to see if her cell was laying around in there, then left.  When I came out the door, I saw a car pulling out of the nighbors' driveway, and turns out, it was my missing mother.

I told her how mad my sisters were, and she told me her cell had been broken.  I'm still not sure exactly what happened, but my mom was lost and now is found.

Then about three minutes later, I got a call from a different sister to go check on the last sister yet to enter this story, because her husband was worried because she hadn't been answering her phone.  So I woke up my VERY PREGNANT sister from a MUCH NEEDED nap to make her re-join the cell phone world.

The moral of the story is, no matter how badly you want to get away from my family, we will find you.

hollahollahollahollahollahollaholla

This week has been absolutely crazy. My plans for a relaxing spring break were not realized, but I think the kids had a good time, so I guess that's what counts.

I went out to the local hole in the wall bar with my oldest brother this weekend. I messed up his pool game, but he still hung out with me. Nothing like brothers for sticking with you. Also, nothing like being the driver for people sticking with you, either.

There was a dude there who told me he was gonna' have to "holla'" after he asked if I had a boyfriend. I don't like being holla'd at (or on or with whichever thing you do when you holla'). I tried to brush him off with the claim that I had enough kids to scare anyone away. He said "Oh, I love kids...I can support 'em. I'll support those kids, I'm an electrician." Clearly, the man was very drunk. He hadn't even asked for a phone number, yet was offering to support my kids.

A friend of his came to drag him away, and he told me he needed to get my digits first. I said that if digits had anything to do with holla-ing, I didn't have any. His friend thought I was very funny, but the electrician thought I was mean. I wasn't mean, only confused. I am obviously too old for that scene and have no desire to keep up with the lingo.

I stayed out until four that morning, and stayed up until six. When I went to bed, I left my phone out in the living room and woke up to about forty missed calls and eight thousand text messages from everyone who had my kids. I was scared until I realized only one of them was trying to find me for anything having to do with the kids, and the rest thought I had died. That's what happens when you get the flu after drinking one night...nobody believes that you can hold your liquor, and everyone thinks you're dead when you're only sleeping in. Never get the flu when people can mistake it for a hangover. Just don't do it. You'll never live it down.

That about sums up what this week has been like, which, if that doesn't explain why I haven't been posting, throw the kids on top of it and add some lack of sleep. Tomorrow is Monday, so if that doesn't give me some complaint to blog about, I don't know what will.

Bipolar Shoes

In the wake of OMGSIXSNOWDAYS, the kids' school has decided to extend the length of the school year over most of the rest of the year. Because they missed six days....like, couldn't they just write it up as all the kids were sick or something?

I live in a town of double income, career driven families. This is my first school fight with other-parent backup. Exciting, no? I wish they would get on board about the family projects and stuff.

I had an entire hour to myself today, so I filed my taxes. I got a congratulations for my awesome tax planning because I didn't owe anything nor did they owe me. I was all "yeah, I'm an awesome tax planner. My whole plan is called 'Make 1000 dollars for the Whole Year'...pretty sweet, yo."

So now, I'm relaxing and enjoying drama-through-text because who wants to just sit and relax on Monday evening when they can be called exciting names every few minutes by someone who is too scared to call because they know I can out-smartassery them? The answer to the question is most definitely "me".

I just have some scheduling issues, because if school starts earlier, then I really can't do psychotic texts at midnight...I could possibly squeeze them in while I am waiting in line to pick up the kids. That is pretty much my down time.

I now understand those people who throw parties for their divorce. Which is another life lesson: Don't judge someone until you've walked ten years in their shoes, and then spent another two years trying to take off their shoes while their shoes call you a bitch and stalk you and mess up your kids.