Happy Easter!

I guess I kind of gave up blogging for Lent.

But guess what?!?!  HAPPY EASTER!

I took the kids to the Easter Vigil this evening, and it was an amazing experience.  It took about twelve hours to get ready, and we were still twenty minutes late.  But the liturgy was absolutely beautiful, punctuated only by an occasional cry from Donovan who "had to poop".  Which apparently required an announcement on his part and extreme shushing on mine.

The service was about three hours long...wow.  That's pretty long. I had the kids all dressed up, which was quite a feat after discovering an hour before we had to leave that half their shoes don't fit anymore, two of the boys lost their suit jackets, and three pairs of pants needed to be hemmed. 

Going to mass as a "single mom" (or a married mom sans husband) is always difficult.  Midnight mass, even if it does start at eight, is actually a pretty stupid thing to do.  I started out wearing a pink T-shirt and the only problem with it was some teeny tiny skulls printed on it, but I didn't think anyone would notice.  After carrying around three very heavy and very tired kids for two hours, the shirt began to have other issues that rendered the skulls even less noticeable than they had been before.

I finally rocked Donovan to sleep, and he only woke up a couple times to scream about needing to go potty again.  Then, Emma wanted to be held, and began to fake a panic attack over being so tired.  She was breathing all heavy and going "tired, tired, tired, soooo tired, tired..."  I told her that being tired typically made people more calm rather than less, but she didn't agree.  At that point, three of the others broke into tears over how incredibly tired they were and could we please just go home. 

These are the same kids who stay up until at least eleven every single night of the year just to piss me off.  They weren't tired, yo.  Or if they were, I'm going to start taking them to church every night around seven and just leaving them there until morning, because they sure don't want to sleep like that at home.

After all of the whining and sleeping and holding and rocking and covering faces with jackets, and really really really needing sleep, they got into the car and wrestled and cracked up all the way home, and are even now -- an hour after leaving church -- talking in their beds wondering what the Easter Bunny is going to bring them.

Yeah, right.  This Easter Bunny is off the clock, yo. 

For Kids: The Step-by-Step Guide to Cleaning Your Room

Step One: Mom says "go clean your room", ignore that until it turns into "GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM", or she invokes the middle name usage, whichever comes first.


Step Two: Gather all siblings who share the room with you, and jump on the bed.

Step Three: Go tell mom it's done.

Step Four: Mom says you're not coming out until it's really done.

Step Five: Get angry at the sibling who shares your room. It's all their stuff, and if you had the room to yourself, it would never be messy.

Step Six: Throw the things that belong to aforementioned sibling at their head.

Step Seven: Go tell Mom your sibling's head is bleeding.

Step Eight: Convince sibling that they can't clean the room since their head hurts. And that they need you to take care of them.

Step Nine: Pick up two things off the floor and put them somewhere else.

Step Ten: Find a toy you haven't seen in awhile and play with that for four hours.

Step Eleven: Go tell Mom you're hungry. Cry when she says you can't eat until your room is clean. If this doesn't work, get angry at the roommate again.

Step Twelve: Put everything in the room under the bed or in your closet.

Step Thirteen: Go tell Mom you're done.

Step Fourteen: Scream in agony as she pulls everything back out from under the bed and in the closet.

Step Fifteen: Finally clean the room.

Step Sixteen: Go tell Mom you're done.

Step Seventeen: Tell Mom you have no idea how all those torn up bits of paper get all over your room every day.

Step Eighteen: Fall asleep in your laundry hamper.

Step Nineteen: Put on your Cinderella dress since mom made you clean stuff.

Step Twenty: Stay up until three in the morning because of your laundry hamper nap.

New Year and Smartassery

Children are experts at backhanded compliments.

Emma loves to find reasons to come out of her room at bedtime, and most of the time, it's to tell me that I'm her best friend or how much she loves me and that way I can't get mad at her. Today during mass, I made her mad, so she leans over and says "You're the best mommy I've ever had....because you're the only mommy I've ever had; so you're also the worst."

Later, Dalton said something hilarious and I proceeded to write an entire blog post about it in my head, but I forgot it.

So anyway, happy new year, Interwebz. 2010 was my thirtieth year of being alive, and I loved being 30. The year itself was awful, but there is something cool about being 30.

One thing I learned last year was how in charge of our own destiny we are, even when life throws us a curve ball. I am done letting life happen to me, and this year is going to be all about becoming the woman I want to be.

Resolutions are boring, but since I can't remember what Dalton said, you get my list:
1. Quit smoking and don't kill anyone. Eventually, people. It just ain't happening this week. But it's on my list.

2. Join the new gym down the street and become HAWT. Not because I care about looks, but because I want to know I can.

3. After that, cook a ton of food all Paula Deen style and get back the back. Because "hot mamas" are scary, and nobody wants to eat stuff cooked by a skinny person.

4. Organize my house, beginning with a place to keep children where they are unable to touch anything.

5. Convince my kids that my cooking is truly superior to McDonald's.

6. .......

NEVERMIND...I remember what Dalton said!

The kids were being super loud in the car, and Dalton turned around and said, "You guys need to be quiet, you're being 'dickulous'." Oh, wow, I laughed so hard, because they were being ridiculous, but his way of putting it was just...better, for some reason.

Life Goal #15

What's up with texting?

I personally love it, but still. Is it just me or does it seem rude just to call someone anymore? I don't ever get phone calls anymore unless the person has texted me first to ask if it's ok if they call me. Of course it's ok! Didn't you call me every frickin day until last year when I finally got text on my phone? What's changed?

I mean, I don't mind if people ask before they call me, it's just that it weirds me out. Do I strike you as the type of person who would end our friendship over a spontaneous phone call? Is there something dark in my eyes that warns of certain death if you catch me off guard with the phone ringing with no preceding text tone?

Cell phones have changed our etiquette more than I can keep up with. I just don't get it anymore. Now I text all my friends before I call them, too, just in case I missed a rule somewhere. I don't want to throw off any one's day with an unscheduled phone call, even though it also seems to be appropriate to answer your phone no matter what you are doing. You know how they have those computer classes to teach the older generation how to use Windows or whatever? I think they should have celly etiquette classes for....well, young people like me who don't know what the hell is going on anymore.

Enough of that, I just sound old and mean now, which, Life Goal #15? Check.

On the way home today...

Huston: You just aren't rough on the cars, which is why you got stuck in the snow that one time and had to have Uncle Robby help.

Me: That's because I'm a lady.

Huston: Well, sometimes you have to be rough to stay alive, so...good luck with your life, lady.