The Votes Are In

Thank you all for your submissions and your help naming the truck.

I really liked both final names, even though they were vastly different.

The winner is....

OPTIMUS PRIME!

First things first, right? After ball joints comes the semi grille....it'll be EPIC.

Also, a note to the reader who submitted "Greg". I never replied to your supportive post a few weeks ago, and I want to publicly thank you. Your comments have repeatedly lifted my spirits, made me laugh, and even shed a few tears. You are an AWESOME Interwebz friend. Also? Greg still cracks me up every time I think about it. Because, you know, obviously.

And to the rest of you, thank you as well. You guys have kept me cheerful when I was trying so hard not to be. I appreciate that, and in return, I will try to lay off the truck talk and bring back The Funny in the coming weeks. I love you all!

Hmph

Watching the kids at the funeral on Saturday really touched my heart. I won't mention their names, but they are the children of three sisters who grew up with our family. Reflecting on the conflict I have seen in our family and others over the last few years, I feel compelled to write an uppity holier-than-thou piece. Please feel free to disregard it and wait until tomorrow's post on a talk I had with Ninja Truck this afternoon.

Ten Reasons NOT to Write Off Family


1. Parents - When you are twenty, you are so much smarter than when you were sixteen. Multiply that by a thousand and see how much you learn in your twenties. You are basically an idiot until you are thirty, is my point. Possibly later, although I am pretty much a genius at this point, so thirty is the magic age as far as I'm concerned. Your parents have made mistakes. You are going to kick their asses at mistake-making with your own kids, so get off your high-horse and call your mama. You're going to need her when you're up at 3am with a feverish baby, nine months pregnant while your husband is out of town. Your dad is the only one who is going to forget how dumb you are the first time you do something smart, too. So keep him around -- he may be your last remaining cheerleader.

2. Grandparents - Your grandparents have spent their lives preparing the world for your precious little butt to get here. Don't screw it up for them.

3. Sisters - One day, you're going to cry over something you have no desire to talk to your parents about. That is what sisters are for. One day, you're going to do something so stupid you can never talk about it again. Sisters will forget it. One day, you're going to be holding the hand of your mother or father as they die. Your sister will take your place when you have to leave the room.

4. Brothers - One day, you're going to realize that you're old and your life sucks and you never did have enough fun. Your brother is going to buy you beer and pretend like you're both twenty until you realize that you don't want to be that young again anyway. One day, your boyfriend/husband is going to piss you off. Your brother is the reason he won't do it again. One day, you're going to find yourself old and alone, rattling around in a big old house you can't take care of. Your brother is going to help you get things working again.

5. Aunts - Aunts love you as much as your mama, but don't get nearly as mad. They are the voice of reason we all need, but can't always hear from our own mothers. And they are the best to laugh with.

6. Uncles - Uncles are for trouble. Getting into it or out of it, either one. And they will tell you all the dirt on your mom and dad.

7. Cousins - This is what I learned this week, watching the injured little girl who didn't look up all day. Her cousins brought her cookies and they had "tea". Then each cousin grabbed a handle on her wheelchair and sped her around until she was giggling. They took her to look at picture of her brothers, and she told them stories about each picture. They said "where do you want to go now?" and she pointed and they raced away. Cousins cross the line between family and friend. They are close enough to care, yet far enough to take your mind off of things.  Cousins are the friends God chose for you.

8. In general - Have you ever heard someone say, "Oh, I don't talk to my family because...blah blah blah...?" It sounds trashy and hateful, no matter what the reason.

9. If you can write off your family, you can write off ANYONE, and I don't trust that.

10. We aren't here forever, and we aren't all going to die of old age. Being "right" isn't worth telling someone you're sorry while you are standing over a headstone. Holding a grudge isn't worth spending your last breath in regret. Saving face isn't worth a lifetime of pretending to ignore a kindred spirit. Petty pride isn't worth withholding comfort in dark times. Anger is bad enough alone, but when it replaces love, you may as well lay down and give up, because you have chosen to be unhappy.

A final note: NONE of this applies to me. In my singular coolness, I have never made a mistake, my parents are insane, my cousins are assholes, and my aunts pinch cheeks. Unforgivable, the lot of them. But for the rest of you, be cool, yo.

Lawn Fairies

I did stuff today that nobody should ever have to do.  For instance, I took the kids to Walmart.  Also?  Other stuff. 

I had to keep reminding myself that public meltdowns are lots of fun, but never for the person doing the melting.

Then, I came home to ALLLLL the grass being cut.  I haven't had a minute to spend working on the lawn since it started growing again.  The most I do outside is make sure the front porch is swept, and even that is sporadic.  I had sort of given up, thinking that school is three weeks away from being out; and I would have all the time in the world to beautify my surroundings after that.

Coming home to such a huge task being done made up for pretty much everything I've been through over the last couple months.  Also, there was a note on the door that said "Happy Mothers' Day."  Assuming it was my neighbors/landlords, this isn't even the nicest thing they have done for me, and I am reminded of what a huge blessing this house and the people who live near it have been for me and the kids.

I think I am done with being angry and depressed.  At least for now.  It's the little things that make all the difference.  As much as I try to live by that, I really needed a reminder in my life right now.

Mushy Stuff

When people hear my story, they tend to wonder if I'm lying. At least, I assume they do, because I would think that if I wasn't the one living it. I have been asked so many times how I handle everything, and I feel the need to clear this up. I don't handle anything.

Mostly, I just drive.

When things go terribly wrong, and I need some time to take care of it, my sisters and my parents are the ones who pick up the slack, not me. They watch my kids, listen to me complain, send over food, run errands and generally take over my real life so that I can focus on the disaster. And I'll tell you a secret, Interwebz, many times, the disaster is easier than my day-to-day life, so they're doing the dirty work while I get all the glory.

When I'm having a bad day, and I need to talk or to laugh, I have a BFF who always knows if I want to talk or just text, if I want coffee or beer, and will also tell me I'm pretty, which, WIN. She also knows when I want to just be left alone.

I have another friend I rarely talk to, who calls me at the just the right times to say just the right things. This has to be very stressful, but this friend has helped me through the darkest times.

I have more friends who live close to me. They do things like watch my kids, bring me things I need, check on me when I'm sick, and show up in my driveway when trouble's brewing.

I have brothers who get late-night phone calls and bring me cigs when I forget to buy them. And I can't tell you how many times they have helped me put my kids to bed, which is the worst thing in the world to do.

My dad loans me money and is always there when I just want to be mad about it all. He helps me think of the best words to use. I know he'll be mad at me for this, but he's also a softie. He's brought me heaters and even (don't tell anyone) babysat a few times.

The people who own Donovan's daycare have helped me find a lawyer, they have sent goodies over for the kids, they have told me to put them on speed dial in case I ever need them (ahem...28 years in the Marine Corps, that's some serious backup), and are even helping me pick out my very own gun. Because I live in the country, now.

My neighbors, who also own my house, have let my kids spend countless hours playing at their house, they take my boys out to do guy stuff, they jump my truck when the kids leave the lights on, and have become very good friends in the short time I've lived here.

Today, as I went through my normal routine, it struck me that these people I see every day, from the couple who owns my favorite gas station, to all of my neighbors, even the people at my school and my kids' school, have become very important to my life. Without them, I wouldn't get through any of this. I would have quit a long time ago. They are the people who keep my life on track. They are the ones who "handle it". I'm just along for the ride.

Random Bits and Pieces, Because I Have Nothing to Say

The kids are finally going to see their dad tomorrow, which they are thrilled about. Also, I am even more thrilled because I'm 'bout to go NUTS.

I have plans to see my long-lost cousin and his wife, who is my long-lost roommate. They better wanna party even if they did just have a baby like ten minutes ago, because I am not even going to sleep until ... well, probably till Monday.

I am babysitting my other long-lost roommates little (like, really little) girl for the weekend, too. I don't remember a lot about infants, but I seem to recall there was very little sleeping involved.

My kids are all freaked out excited that we get to borrow a baby for the weekend, and I have to admit that I'm a little happy about it, too. I kinda like babies, and I haven't had one for a long time...like, long enough that I am not allowed to claim "baby weight" anymore.

I am a little nervous, because my house is pretty chaotic already, but when my kids were little, things were more calm. I am hoping that the baby brings enough calm for us all to share. Babies come with their own calm, right? And I hope she can clean a living room, because Madilynn has that chore this week, and girl is laaaazyyyy. She wouldn't pick something up off the floor if it was diamonds dipped in chocolate. She will, however, kick things under the couch.

Anyway, back to the weekend...I'ma party. With my old friends (these are The Gate friends, yo). Then, I'm going to sleeeeep. As long as I want. Then I am getting coffee at my favorite place for which my mother in law gave me a $50 gift card and that's a lot of coffee. Then I get the baby and my own kids for Saturday night. Then, I'm off Monday, but my kids got their day off taken away because of snow days, which means I get to be one of those people who stays home while their kids are at school for one afternoon. Also, it means that Monday will hardly exist this week, which pretty much makes it a perfect week.

What? Random blathering, you say? Yes, but would you rather I write some more poems? Pshhh.
Good night!

Sappy Kid Blog

I cleaned today.

A lot.

Like, from the time I woke up until...well...I'm writing now, but only because I'm waiting on the dryer. Which just made a noise so I'm sort of avoiding it.

I'm achy and bitchy and I can't wait to take my kids to their grandma's house tomorrow so I can sit down.

But, now thinking about them being gone for the next few days makes me miss them. Since I have complained so much this week, here are some sweet things that make me happy to be a mommy...

Emma is learning how to spell. It's adorable. Everywhere I look, I see little signs she's made for me that say "I <3 U Mommy". They are on every wall, on my bedroom door, on the bathroom cabinets, on the posts surrounding the wood stove, on the computer monitor and her sheets. Awwww....

I have a huge marker board in the hall that I filled with a huge list of things to do before Christmas. When I went to check it this evening, Dalton had drawn a heart with two people inside labeled "mommy" and "Dalton". Double awwww because he's a boy.

Every evening at dinner, we take turns saying one thing we are thankful for and one nice thing about the person next to us. Tonight, Emma said "I like mommy because, when I was in her tummy, I loved her so much and I remember that and it's not any different now because I love her still." OMGSHE'SSOCUTE.

When we got in the car this evening, a Christmas CD was playing (one that I am ready to break in half if I have to hear it again, by the way), and all six of them, including Huston who hates to sing, belted out "Blue Christmas", which, if you've never heard six kids singing Elvis, you're missing an important life moment.

My sister came home yesterday for Christmas, and we stopped by to say hi to her and her husband and son, and as we pulled in the drive, Warrick said "Mommy, I have this weird feeling in my throat...I think I might cry tears of joy."

Warrick is my oldest at ten, and he has been giving me a least three hugs a day. And he's a boy. Hugging his mom. On purpose. I don't know why, but one doesn't question these things.

Huston told me that, even thought I dress like a nineteen year old boy, I'm still kinda' pretty.

Madilynn organized her bedroom today, and I realized again what a little mini-me she is...she hates cleaning, but she will organize the heck out of anything.

One of my mothers in law (yes, I have two) asked the kids why they cared if my sister's new baby would be a boy or a girl, since it would be too young to matter. They were highly offended by the thought that a cousin was "too young" and made declarations all around about how "cool" their other baby cousins are and even went so far as to point out the personality differences in the many babies in our family. I heart this mucho, yo.

At dinner tonight, I asked them about the true meaning of Christmas. Madi stood up in her chair and said "It's about Baby Jesus and nothing else!!!"

All of my kids miss their dad like crazy and are so excited that they actually get to go see him this week. That is one thing I love about them...their capacity for complete forgiveness and forgetfulness of the things that have gone wrong.

Another thing is how hard they try not to let me know how excited they are because they think it will hurt my feelings. They also plan out my time away from them so I won't miss them as much. Once, Dalton even went through my contacts in my phone to find someone for me to hang out with.

So, yes, I complain and I get grouchy and angry, but I love being a mommy, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Ramen, Puzzles and Gangstas

Today was another Epic Trip to Walmart, and even though my sister kept five of my kids for me, it was still a little nuts.

It took forever, but I didn't forget anything (I hope), so that's a win.

I had the cart completely organized so I could fit everything, and even then things were falling out of it. So, I went to check out and people always look at me weird and I don't really know why. I think they are trying to decide if they can beat me to the spot in line and not have to wait on me.

I try not to stand in line with "manly men" most of the time, because they seem to feel obligated to either let me go first (which makes me feel bad), or look at me like I'm nuts and tell me how they're glad they don't have kids or something, which, rude! But there were two "manly men" in one line who only had a couple things and it was the shortest line, so I had to go stand behind them.

They were younger and I didn't think there was too much of a chance they would talk to me at all, which was exactly what I wanted. I waited for them to find the little divider stick so I could start trying to fit all the stuff on the belt, and noticed that they were buying two single packs of Ramen noodles..you know the kind that you just add water in the little bowl and heat it up? So I kind of laughed a little because seriously? Walmart has all kinds of easy food and that's about two bucks worth of dinner that just seemed kind of weird. And also, do guys usually go to Walmart for a quick dinner like that and then get the same thing? I don't know, it was weird, you'll just have to trust me.

In front of the Ramen, there was a box of something. I desperately wanted to know what these two men were buying to go along with their Ramen. I had to know. I tried to see the box from behind my cart, but the Ramen bowls were covering it...I had to do a little undercover recon, so I got a couple things out of my cart and tried to put them as close to the box as I could and get a good look at it.

It didn't work.

So I gave up on being covert and just stared at the box until the cashier lifted it up. It was a multi-pack of Thomas Kinkade puzzles. I kid you not. That's what the dudes were buying, the dudes I didn't want to be in line with in case they were too macho or something. Tiny bowls of Ramen and a giant box of puzzles. Yep.

What's really sad about this is that I was jealous. I wanna go to Walmart just to get two bites of food and puzzles with my...um...friend. Only if it were me, there would be chocolate somewhere and we'd just skip dinner and drink wine instead, and rather than puzzles, it would be Something Awesome And Way More Fun Than Puzzles. But still...I was coveting their shopping cart...or rather their lack of need of a cart, and their simple plan of Ramen and Puzzles. I came home to two hours of putting groceries away, a very late dinner, six people to bathe, eight loads of laundry and an hour per kid of homework...and not a manly man in sight, yo.

After the guys went to play puzzles and I spent forever trying to put all of my stuff back into my cart, I was just getting ready to put everything in my car when I was attacked. By a gang. Of teens. They were girls. Two of them came up behind me and scared me, then five more jumped out of the car and surrounded me. They took all the groceries out of my cart, threw paper at me, then jumped back in their car and sped off.

Only not really, because they actually put all my groceries into my van, gave me a card that said "You've just been hit with a random act of kindness", and then sped away. But I really thought they were going to hurt me at first. Or at least steal my pizza rolls, and then it would have been on. Isn't that nice? It made me want to go help someone else with their groceries...or possibly kidnap the youth group and make them work at my house. Either helping others or kidnapping, though, for sure...sorta like the Christmas spirit only it's November.

Moral of the story? There isn't one. Don't kidnap youth groups, DO let them put your groceries away. And if you have a special someone, don't take puzzles and Ramen for granted.

The Other's Gold

Let me just take a minute to tell you all to back the hell up.

This post is not directed at you, so if you're thinking it is, please examine why.  This post is for my friends, the ones who I grew up with, the ones who held me up when I needed it and who helped form my character and beliefs.  My new friends would rock your face off, and I should talk about them sometime, but for tonight, I want to talk about my old friends.

These are people who I knew when I was a child, who were still around through high school and our first years of becoming adults.  This group of friends was inseparable.  We were Fourth of July parties as little kids, sneaking extra pops and starting fires in my grandparents' field.  We were ear twists from my uncle and running down to jump the creek and get away from everyone older and younger than us. 

We were sneaking cigarettes behind Pancho's after church and thinking our parents didn't know.  We were driving too fast with the windows down, singing our favorite song at the top of our lungs.  We were our first beer, our first :::um, other substances...or not::::, first cigarette.  We were parties on the weekends and watching TV during the week.  We were sharing secrets and planning our futures.  We were debating Important Things, and righting the world's wrongs.  We were hanging out at "the gate" and slipping through the cattle guard.

They were there for my driver's test, for fights with my parents when I was a kid and knew everything, for my first kiss, for every single break-up I ever had, for every new boy I decided to marry, for every crazy outfit, for my first apartment and for moving out of it later, for fishing trips and movies.  They were there when I saw both lines on that test, and for all the decisions that came after, and for the day my son was born.  They were there for my wedding day, and you know what?  After everything we've been through, and the gap that is between most of us....they are here for me now, too.

I have been through hell with these guys.  I've even been through hell because of these guys.  I'm sure they could say the same about me.  Over the last ten years, we have grown apart.  Our lives weren't as parallel as they had been when we were growing up.  We fought, we cried, we made up and fought again.  Some of us have no contact at all, some of us are merely polite.  A few of them I can see and it's just like the old days, but only with one at a time, it's been years since our little group has reunited and been entirely comfortable with each other.

Here is what I want you to know.  There are many things that can break up a friendship.  Sometimes, it's a stupid fight over something petty.  Sometimes, we just lose touch and don't really know how to get it back.  Sometimes, it's bigger than that.  Maybe they were dishonest, rude, or did something else you find completely wrong and you felt that you should end the friendship, or maybe you did something wrong and they ended things.

Let me just tell you that nothing is worth losing these friends.  If I could go back in time, knowing then what I do now, I would let nothing my friends did (aside from things like murder or harming children, but I tried to weed those types out in kindergarten) stand in the way of keeping them in my life.  When things are just really shitty, I need those friends.  I miss them.  They helped me decide who I wanted to be, and sometimes, I need them to remind me of that person.  Sometimes, I want to know how they think I've turned out.  Sometimes, I want to say "remember that time...", and have them say "yes" and laugh with me.

Don't be too proud to call.  Don't be so angry that you pick your friends apart.  Don't be so grown up that you can't deal with a little childishness from the kids you grew up with.  Don't go through the hardest parts of your life without these people.  As my friend Sarah said, have a "to be continued attitude" toward these friends.  Cherish them, nurture these relationships.  They are very important.  Who else would sit in the back of your cousins pickup and light farts with you now?  Nobody, that's who.  Who else would dress in disguise and help you stake out your what-a-woo?  Not your grown-up friends.  Who else would sit in the garage with you and have a serious discussion about how not to grow up?  Only those people who saw you through growing up remember the path you took.  Who else can make you laugh with your entire being?  Only the people who grew into your same sense of humor.  Who else can see you after ten years and know exactly what's on your mind? 

Don't let this go.  I hope you have the kind of friends who will hold on, and I hope you're the kind of friend who will hold on.  It gets worse, and you're going to need someone to hold on to.  And then, it gets better. 

As Chuckie said when he got his trike stuck, "When you're stuck in the mud up to your shiny parts, you find out who your friends really are."  Be the friend who will dig your buddy's trike out of the mud, even if they ditched you for the big kids.  You'll be glad you did when it's your trike that's stuck.

Patriotic Duty

My brother in law is on duty tonight, bored.  Since I'm not a badass Marine (just a plain old badass), it's truly my duty to write something spectacular in his honor, right?  But since I can't do that, either, I'll write this mediocre thing for my favorite Marine, and for his wife, who is also a badass. 

I remember the week they got married, and all his friends were coming to be in the wedding, and all her friends were hoping to get their Very Own Marine.  Only one managed it, and I think the other Marines got skeered of the crazy Okie chicks and headed back west.  Can't blame them, I was frightened, too.

So, as I said, my sister is a badass, because her fiance was away during most of their engagement, and she was very sad, but she held up very well.  When they got married and she went away with him, we acted like idiots and cried like we'd never see them again.  She handled that pretty well, too.  I think my poor brother in law was overwhelmed by us, but the thing is, it was good training for him, because we are an overwhelming bunch of people.

My sister had their first baby while her husband was deployed.  I was there, and it was amazing.  People were emailing him to give him updates and pictures, and she talked to him on the phone.  She had one of the hardest deliveries I have ever seen, and I didn't see her freak out one time.

When my nephew was born, he pretty much looked like a badass, too, but we know he came by that naturally, from both sides of the family.  My sister needed some medical attention, and my brother in law actually saw a picture of his son before my sister even got to look at him.  We were showing my sister pics we snapped on our cell phones, so both of them saw their son for the first time through pictures. 

I was so busy being proud of my sister that it took me until that moment to remember how hard it must be for her husband, on the other side of the globe, not knowing from one minute to the next how things were going in that little hospital room.  I haven't ever asked him about that day, but I remember imagining his buddies there with him, waiting for each new update to come through.  It must have been a scary thing for him, and I know it was for my sister.  (Because they're one of those couples who are in LUUUV, and it's pukingly annoying, but it brings an added concern to situations like this.)

My favorite part of the day (even better than meeting my nephew) was this:

Talking to his Daddy for the first time.  I still can't look at this picture without wiping away tears.

When I feel down on my life, and I don't like the way things are going, this is where I get my inspiration to keep going.  My brother in law and my sister are the two I know best, but they aren't the only ones who spend their lives being brave in the face of trials most of us can't even comprehend -- not because it gets thrown on them, but because they made the decision to sacrifice the easy life in favor of defending our country, our freedoms, and our lives.  Sometimes we remember our men who are deployed, less often we remember the family they had to leave at home.  And even less often do we think of the poor, poor guys on duty in the middle of the night, who are bored and texting their sisters in law, telling them what to write on their blogs, and awesomely remembering to call their nieces on their birthdays....so tonight, I write this humble post in honor of the bored Marines, as well as the ones who are away.  To our troops, wherever they may be tonight, and their families:  Thank you.

Today Happened

So, if you read this, you know I'm not exactly "with" my husband anymore.  That's because I just don't have a high tolerance.  At least, that's what he tells me.  As of last week, we have to mess with the ugly "D" word.  It's kind of a bummer.

Here are some things I miss:

I used to be able to sit cross-legged in my computer chair while I wrote this pointless blog.  Now, I can't, because my awesome computer chair has been replaced with a tiny one.  I don't know where the awesome one went, but it's gone, and I miss it dreadfully.

I miss having boots.  I used to work in a western-wear store 14 years ago, and I had lots of boots.  Now, I don't, and I kind of want some.

I miss last Saturday night.  I had peace for one whole night.  Peace, I miss you, dude.

Wow, listing my feelings like that was very therapeutic.  I'm glad I got it out.  I feel much better now.

Here are some things I still have, and I'm very grateful for them:

Kids
Dog
Family
Friends
Computer
Coffee
Bad attitude (my own, I don't like yours)
A LOVE for diesel engines that surpasses any mortal understanding
ALL the power tools, yo
This amazing blog
The ability to sleep and drive (no, I'm really good at it)
Smart alec skilz
My low-skilled but high-paying and excessively dishonorable job (it's pretend, though)

So, I guess things aren't too bad after all.

Hello Again

I finally have my beloved computer back after six months of living at my grandparents' house.  Long story, but I'm sure some of my bitterness has seeped out into previous posts, so you probably know why.  If not, sorry...this is not the time or place.

So, over the last few months, I have learned a lot about myself.  For one thing, I turned thirty.  That means instant smart all by itself, so that was cool.  Well, it was cool after I got home from my party and sobered up three days later.  I also learned I'm too old to party.

I learned that I like hardwood floors and red dirt roads.  Lots and lots.

I have learned that, even though I'm a grown up, I still don't get what I want, and I still want to whine about it a little.

There are other things too...when more time has gone by, I can share them.  Mostly, my funny stories need some time to marinate so the people who star in them forget about it and aren't mad at me for writing it.

I have some really good friends.

I may be insta-smart thirty, but I still make stupid mistakes sometimes.  They are either more fun or more painful than the ones I made as a teen...I'm not sure which, but I have a suspicion that they're both.

So, that's what I know.  Night.