Time to Vote!

Ok, the final submissions are in!

It should be noted that "The Truck" had a proper initiation into the family last night, when two hours after we bought it, Donovan pooped in it, Madi stepped in the poop, then walked literally on every square inch of the truck including five seats, two armrests, and many square feet of carpet.

This does NOT mean that anyone gets to call it anything having to do with poop. My life is already nicknamed after poop, so the truck doesn't get it.

I am not saying who came up with any names (Even if some of them have already been given away), just to be fair. I will explain a couple of them so you have the whole story. AND, if the name I came up with (and I won't tell which) wins, the prize will go to the first person who stuck with it on the Facebook feed.

BTW, if you aren't "friends" with LLB on Facebook -- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Seriously, though, just search the fan pages for "Life's Laundry Basket". And the Twitter name is MannyTheRee. I demand followers.

Now :::drumroll::: cast your vote in the next 24 hours!

Blue Burb of Happiness (A take on Blue Bird of Happiness)

George Straight (because he's awesome)

Optimus Prime (do I have to explain this one?)

Blue Pickle II (my mom's old blue kid-hauler - a 12 passenger van - was nicknamed "The Big Blue Pickle" by two of my friends from driver's ed)

Sammie the Suburban (another obvs one)

Greg (because why not??)

Super Sexy Hot Mama Suburban Machine (And yes, it IS.)

And here is a picture (that I tried to upload last night) to help you decide. You can cast your votes in the comments or on Facebook. I can't wait to see what you guys pick -- make it a good one, because his name is going in big letters on the back window! 

First Ever LLB Contest

Ok, Interwebz. It's official. We gotta come up with a name for my truck.

The winner will receive a fantastic (or not) gift, and an autographed photo of the new truck (autographed by him, of course).


These are the names that have been submitted via Facebook:

Blue Burb of Happiness

George Straight

Optimus Prime

Blue Pickle II

Sammie the Suburban

If you want to enter the contest, please put your submission in the comments below or comment on FB, and I'll have the final list available for voting tomorrow. Twenty-four hours, guys, because this is an emergency...I'm not sure I even feel comfortable driving it without a name.

We will vote on Saturday and the winner will be announced the following day.

Nazi Truck Lady

I went to look at Ninja Truck today. It is being sold by a man who lives far away and has his parents showing it for him. I talked to his mother to make arrangements and I'm pretty sure she is a Nazi.

Is that wrong?

She yelled at me on the phone because I said that I could come any time this afternoon.

Nazi Truck Lady: What time?

Me: Any time after one.

NTL: It's Saturday! What time?

Me: As long as its after one, I can come any time that is good for you.

NTL: Well, you know, it's Saturday, we are very busy and HOW CAN I TELL YOU YES IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME AN EXACT TIME?????

Me: Ok, ummm...two?

NTL: No.

Me: Three?

NTL: No. Two thirty.

Me: Ok, I'll be there at two thirty.

NTL: NO, I CAN'T BE HERE AT TWO THIRTY! HOLD ON!

Me: ....

NTL: My husband will be here, come at two thirty.

Me: Ok, thanks! I'll see you then.

NTL: :::click:::

So I was very glad that I would be dealing with the husband and not the Nazi Lady, and I took my brother with me because I didn't want to be serially murdered by the husband, either.

The husband started to get in the back seat of the car to let us drive around a bit, and Nazi Lady came running outside. He rolled down the window and told her what he was doing and she just glared at him from the front porch. Maybe she thought we were the serial killers, but I think she was planning up a delicious MannyRee and Brother soup.

We rode around the block, and then did all that car-looking stuff like kick the tires, stare intently at the engine as if it will explode in a minute as a warning not to buy the car, and chat with the guy about mechanics and blah, blah, blah...

I told my brother I wanted the truck, but he told me it was leaking oil.

Here's the math. Say I have one hundred dollars to spend on a car, and I was willing to buy this car for that amount with only a couple needed repairs. Then I find out that it's leaking oil, which the owner failed to tell me about when he listed the other problems. So I offer seventy five dollars on the car, and plan to spend the other twenty five on repairing the car.

I called the Nazi Lady this evening...

Me: Hi, this is MannyRee, the one who looked at the car today.

NTL: Um, you looked at a car? So what?

Me: Well, I wanted to make an offer.

NTL: What? What do you....hold on. :::yells things at her husband:::

Me: ...

Then the husband gets on the phone.

Me: Hi. Ok, here's what I got for ya. There were a few things wrong with the truck that your son told me about, and also an oil leak that he didn't. I am not trying to low-ball you, but do you think he would take seventy-five dollars for the truck, because all I own in the world is one hundred, and if I spend all of it on the truck, I can't pay for repairs.

Nazi Husband: (he's not a Nazi, though, just married one) Oh, seventy-five?...

:::NTL screaming in the background:::: NOOOOOOOO!!!!! Those are NEW TIRES!!!!!

Husband: ...um..yeah, it's new tires..

NTL: NOOOOO!!!! VERY LOW! I'LL KILL YOU! HANG UP

Husband: Yes, well, you see, my son has put ...hold on

NTL: TELL HER NO! TELL HER NO! TELL HER NO!!!!! ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HER??? SHE'S TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!!! HANG UUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!

Husband: ...um, yes, as I was saying...new tires.

NTL: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK HE'S PUT INTO THAT??? HANG UP! THAT'S VERY LOW! HE'S NOT TAKING SEVENTY FIVE!!!

Husband: ...yes, he's put a lot of work into that. How bout I give him a call and ask him, since it's his car (I think he was looking at his wife at this point, because he said it very pointedly and I was too busy Googling "how to not become Nazi Soup" to say anything).

NTL: NO! I SAID NO! YOU WON'T CALL...TELL HER NO.

Me: Ok, just let me know. Thanks so much and please don't let your wife kill me.

NTL: NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Husband: :::click:::

I'm pretty sure that the husband is soup now, and nobody is going to be calling the son with my offer.

Trucks, Disorders and Naps

I think Badass Truck is completely out of the question, although I did find a similar one for less money...it may work. Who knows. It kinda sucks not having a car. I heart Dustin's trucks, but lets face it, it sucked bad enough driving around with the kids trying to kill each other in the van. It's way more crappy when they're all crammed into a pickup. But still, Dustin's truck kicks Momvan's bootay.

I took a nap today. It was awesome and I totally needed it because I have managed to not sleep all weekend until then. Oh, except for the part where single parents shouldn't take naps, because there isn't another adult around to watch the short people.

The thing with kids is that they can undo an entire week's worth of work in less than ten minutes. So yeah. They did that. And more. No more napping for mommy, which is really fine because I'm a little mean if I take a nap because it takes me too long to wake up and then I don't want to sleep at night, which is why it's after one in the morning and I'm still awake even though I know that tomorrow is inevitably going to be yet another Monday. Also? A Monday without a car, which means I have nowhere to put all the papers the school sends home on Mondays and I need to take at least a couple hours out of the day to search for Ninja truck.

Also...if I don't find a car really soon, I'm going to run out of names to call them. Or I guess I should just stop naming them until I actually own one. But really? That's not fun. I do get a little attached if I name them, but not as attached as I would get if I had to fuel them up a few times or take them home to meet the kids.

And the kids don't even want a new car, not because they like sitting so close together, but more because they find it a giant pain in the bootay that I am spending time car shopping. Can you say spoiled? If their dad had just managed to not be sick over the weekend, I could probably have had it all taken care of. But noooo.....figures.

And I know that sounds mean, I am admittedly bitchy tonight, and not really mad at their dad for being sick. Actually, if you're feeling helpful, he could probably use a few prayers. Bipolar disorder is a Nazi asshole SOB, and I'm sure he's pretty miserable right now.

But at least he doesn't have to try to explain it to the kids, which I obviously suck at, since Being Bipolar seems to have become a life goal for a few of them. Little rebels.

Since it's so late and this post is basically just a really long status update, I think I'll move on to Facebook and bed. Maybe tomorrow I need to focus outwardly and not use Interwebz as a therapists couch. But thanks for letting me, Interwebz, because you make up for inaccuracy by being free.

Graceful Badass

In an effort to prove that I am still a ninja-mom, I attempted to walk down my sister's porch steps in the dark while simultaneously getting keys out of my pocket.

I busted my ass.

And it wasn't like I just tripped a little or anything. It was more like the earth beneath my feet went away, causing both of my feet to do this ballerina pointy toe thing, then the earth reappeared just in time to make my toes curl under my feet, both of my legs to bend the wrong way, and force me into an awesome yoga pose that nobody should ever do, especially if you're me and you hate yoga when you do it on purpose, let alone on accident, and also when six of your kids are watching you with a mixture of concern and laughter, obviously storing this up for future ridicule. (Although, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I made falling down the stairs look amazing.)

I sprained both wrists, which is awesome for typing and 10-key...which are my life. And I twisted both ankles (no right or left discrimination for me!), the exact type of injury you want to have when all the kids fall asleep on the way home and you have to carry them in. I did something to each knee, so instead of bending at the front of my legs, they kind of go in a little when I walk.

Also, I did something to my quads, which I thought was just a pulled muscle, but then I noticed that every time I point my toes, my eyes close. I don't understand it, but some wires must have crossed somewhere. It's not a huge deal, except when I'm driving a truck that's just a tad too big for me and I have to point my toe to go a little faster, then it's a little hard to see where I'm going so fast, and try explaining that to a police officer when you are driving around with seven people squeezed into a pickup that's not registered to you and it's midnight and you haven't slept for two days so it looks like you've been drinking when really you're just up all night worrying about people who don't really need you to be their mom and you don't really need to be their mom because you have six kids of your own who are currently very busy trying to convince the officer that they don't belong to you and will he please take them back to their old life when they had a bigger car? Yeah, not so easy, is it?

And I found a truck today. Her name is Badass, but she costs just a little too much. She had room for kids and groceries -- at the same time. I was a little too excited about that, so maybe that's why the guy didn't believe that I couldn't pay him more than I offered. But I gosta pay for the gas after I buy a vehicle, yo, so I can't just be buying trucks all willy-nilly and then not having the means to keep them on the road. Oh well, I think I can get a job with the circus now that I have this awesome toe-point-eye-close trick.