In an effort to prove that I am still a ninja-mom, I attempted to walk down my sister's porch steps in the dark while simultaneously getting keys out of my pocket.
I busted my ass.
And it wasn't like I just tripped a little or anything. It was more like the earth beneath my feet went away, causing both of my feet to do this ballerina pointy toe thing, then the earth reappeared just in time to make my toes curl under my feet, both of my legs to bend the wrong way, and force me into an awesome yoga pose that nobody should ever do, especially if you're me and you hate yoga when you do it on purpose, let alone on accident, and also when six of your kids are watching you with a mixture of concern and laughter, obviously storing this up for future ridicule. (Although, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I made falling down the stairs look amazing.)
I sprained both wrists, which is awesome for typing and 10-key...which are my life. And I twisted both ankles (no right or left discrimination for me!), the exact type of injury you want to have when all the kids fall asleep on the way home and you have to carry them in. I did something to each knee, so instead of bending at the front of my legs, they kind of go in a little when I walk.
Also, I did something to my quads, which I thought was just a pulled muscle, but then I noticed that every time I point my toes, my eyes close. I don't understand it, but some wires must have crossed somewhere. It's not a huge deal, except when I'm driving a truck that's just a tad too big for me and I have to point my toe to go a little faster, then it's a little hard to see where I'm going so fast, and try explaining that to a police officer when you are driving around with seven people squeezed into a pickup that's not registered to you and it's midnight and you haven't slept for two days so it looks like you've been drinking when really you're just up all night worrying about people who don't really need you to be their mom and you don't really need to be their mom because you have six kids of your own who are currently very busy trying to convince the officer that they don't belong to you and will he please take them back to their old life when they had a bigger car? Yeah, not so easy, is it?
And I found a truck today. Her name is Badass, but she costs just a little too much. She had room for kids and groceries -- at the same time. I was a little too excited about that, so maybe that's why the guy didn't believe that I couldn't pay him more than I offered. But I gosta pay for the gas after I buy a vehicle, yo, so I can't just be buying trucks all willy-nilly and then not having the means to keep them on the road. Oh well, I think I can get a job with the circus now that I have this awesome toe-point-eye-close trick.
