There's one thing you should probably understand. I'm just not funny without my kids.
When they are home, I don't have time to think about anything...not so much because I am physically busy, but because they use my entire brain with their questions.
"How do babies get out of their mommy's tummy?"
"How do they get IN there?"
"What is a billion kazillion times fifty-four?"
"What's for dinner?"
"What was I like when I was a baby?"
"Can Huston be grounded for bothering me?"
"No, can Emma be grounded for bothering me?"
"What is your daddy's name?"
"Are you getting married?"
"Is Santa real?"
"What's the longest you can drive without pushing the gas pedal?"
And so on.
So when they're home, and it's about midnight and they're finally asleep; I just sit down and type my first few random thoughts and hit the publish button.
But when they're gone, I get to use my brain for my own purposes; like fixing the truck, Facebook, perfecting a fake British accent, and watching YouTube videos about people who fall off of things. So when I sit down at night, I don't really have any thoughts to write about (other than "I miss my kids, bring them home because I'm pretty much useless without them.")
The truck is still broken, although I have removed and replaced the wheel about eighteen times. Somehow, that hasn't fixed anything. I learned how to use a floor jack and also that they don't work well on muddy driveways. There are videos on YouTube that aren't just about people falling -- they have some about how to take trucks apart. It's pretty sweet...I just need to park my truck in the living room so I can watch as I go. Then I'll make my own video about how to not ruin your manicure under your truck and also how to be as greasy as possible while doing very little in the way of actual repair. (I am very good at that.)
One thing I have discovered this week is that there is still an entire movie industry out there, and they still make films that aren't animated! I watched a real movie, y'all! Did you know about this, Interwebz? I thought they went out of business back around the time Warrick was born...
Shucks is really mad at me for getting rid of the kids for another week. He thinks I'm pretty boring even though I let him in the house and also rode my bike around for his entertainment. Stupid dog -- if he had a video camera he could post YouTubes of me falling off my bike and become really popular. But he's obv not that smart. We already knew that, though, because if he'd figured out how to post my secrets, the Interwebz would have broken up with me by now -- but you still love me, right?
