I am a huge fan of Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family. He has written many excellent books on how to raise a family, how to make a marriage work, how to talk to your kids, etc. He's a smart man and I agree with most of his values and opinions. I recently read his book "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women" for the second time. This is the only one of his books that I completely disagree with. I made a list of what I would have written if I were the famous psychologist asked to write that book. Since I'm not famous or anything, I only get to blog about it, so if you agree with me, please help me become internet famous so that someone will pay me to write my book called "Marital Doodies: How to Clean Up The Mess".
Part One: Pre-Marriage
Dr. Dobson tells a story about when he was in college and first met his wife. He was drawn to her because she was so independant (read: "not clingy"). He ends the story by telling about how he started acting as if he didn't care whether she dated him or not, which caused her to cry and really want to be with him. His point: If you are holding something too tight, it tends to move away from you. If you are moving away from something, it will hold on to you. It's a good point. I'm not sure that making someone cry is considered a success, but she did marry him, so who am I to judge?
I am too lazy to go grab the book and see what else the Doc has to say about dating/courtship, so I will just tell you what else I think men need to know about this phase of life...
1. No false advertising. This happens 99.9% of the time. A woman falls in love with this incredible guy who listens to her, talks to her for hours, is wonderful with children, opens doors, smells nice, brings her flowers, tells her she is the only one he will ever love, shares her faith (or wants to), loves her family, writes her beautiful love letters, and makes her laugh. Then she marries him and finds out he is a big fat liar. Guys, I know you weren't lying during that phase, but you have to remember that your wife fell in love with you while you were doing that. If you aren't planning on keeping it up throughout your marriage, then don't do it before the marriage. Let her see what she's really getting.
2. Respect your wife, even if you haven't met her yet. This will help you a lot. Nuff said.
3. When it's time to propose, do it right. If a girl loves you, she will be happy with any proposal, but please don't take advantage of that fact. There will come a time when she wants to tell the story of the proposal to a friend. She doesn't want to say "Well, we were watching TV and he said 'Fine, let's get married', so we did." It's embarrassing, it makes you look bad to her friends, and she loses points on the "Woman's Scale of Importantness". It doesn't have to be fireworks and airplanes -- just make sure you say something sweet and give her something to talk about later.
4. During the wedding planning, do anything she tells you to do, and nothing that she doesn't. The only thing you need to do at this point is keep her happy and calm. You may do the following without her knowing: (1)Plan to sing to her at the reception, only if she likes to hear you sing. (2)Tell your buddies not to get drunk and make her mad. (3)Buy her presents. That's it. Don't do anything else.
5. If you are an addict, a mama's boy, extra stinky, an idiot, lazy, or rude -- don't date women. We don't want you.
A note for the girls: Don't marry a guy if you think he needs "fixing". If he's broken, take him back and exchange him. Now.
Men, the women don't need all the advice, because you get a chance to see her at her worst when she is planning the wedding. Pay attention to that, and it's all you'll need to know about what you're getting into.
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