Whipping Boy

One thing I can't stand is being blamed for things.  Even if said things are my fault, I will find a way to wriggle out of the blame.  I hate it.

But, it seems to be my lot in life to be blamed for the most random I-wasn't-even-there-that-day crap, so I wanted to invite you, Interewebz, to BlameFest2011.  (It's so epic, it's all one word.)

Have you recently had a bad day?  Blame it on me!
Was that bad day caused by an over-abundant consumption of alcohol for three days in a row? I made you drink!
Have you ever accidentally swallowed a few extra Ambien?  Totally my fault.
Recent ride in an ambulance?  Yup, that was me.
Coma, anyone?  My bad, yo!
How about high blood pressure?  Oops.
Sudden black-outs?  All over it.
Do you hate an entire group of people totaling over 1 billion???  Sorry, billion peeps....I'm such a bad example.
Did you not get your work done because you were too busy doing nothing?  Not your fault, bro, it's all me!

You see, I am so bored on a day to day basis, what with all the maids and nannies and shit, that I don't have anything better to do than mess with people.  It's just who I am, there's nothing I can do about it.  Sorry, but it's all my fault.  Do not, under any circumstances, blame yourself.