I haven't been around in awhile because I guess I took a little Christmas vacation that more like a Christmas nightmare of trying to get everything done while I was sick and the kids were sick and plans got blown out of the water every five minutes and frankly, I had nothing funny to say. At all.
I'm back, but still with nothing to say.
:::crickets:::
As great as Christmas was this year, I have made a holiday bucket list...holiday experiences I would like to have before I die.
1. Experience Thanksgiving as a man. Think about it...this has got to be the best day of the year for dudes. You don't have to go to work, you can sleep in, you sit on the couch and watch football until delicious food magically comes out of the kitchen, you eat it, you watch more football while the kitchen gets magically cleaned, then you eat some more, you nap, you watch some more football, then a week's worth of leftovers and and a three day weekend with the biggest games of the season playing the entire time.
This totally beats spending the entire week cooking, ruining dishes and making them over, experimenting and torturing yourself over new pies, making double of everything so you can taste it to make sure it's right without destroying the presentation, fighting with in laws over who is going to cook what, getting up in the wee hours of the morning to make sure that everything is done at the same time, then all that work being gobbled up in thirty minutes, and four hours of kitchen clean up afterward. Ladies, we are clearly doing something wrong.
2. Be a Yankee for a day. I'm not really "Southern", but I live in a state where southern manners prevail. You smile and say hi to people you don't know, you don't talk about uncomfortable issues, and you feed anything with a mouth that gets within ten feet of you. One more rule is to keep your darn mouth shut when someone makes you mad. And I would love....love...just one time, to say what's on my mind without thinking about it first. Just once. Or twice.
3. Spend one week at home. I look forward every year to Christmas break so that we can have some family time just relaxing out the house. It's never happened. Just for the record, I'm busy the last two weeks of December 2011.
4. Hold the remote control. That is all.
