For the fourth weekend in a row, the ex has decided he can't take the kids. He couldn't even let his mother take the kids because he couldn't handle any extra people in the house. He couldn't even let his mother take two of the kids while he stayed in bed because that would throw off his entire universe and things would just start falling apart all over the place.
My kids are not impressed. They aren't really angry at him or blaming him at all, which, as much fun as it would be, I absolutely don't want them doing. They have a new plan...get a backup daddy. Maybe they read this blog. But whatever the reason, they have decided that it is now my job to remarry so that there is always some dude around to hang with them on the weekends just in case their real dad decides to split.
(Note: This is not funny. I'm more pissed at him than I have ever been for letting our kids down. My kids amaze me in their ability to handle this situation. I am both amazed and amused by their solution to this problem, and that is where the funny comes in. So don't yell at me, yo.)
Potential Interview for "Backup Daddy"
Warrick: So....what do you have to say for yourself?
Backup Daddy: Well...I'm not sure...
Warrick: Well, a position has recently come open for Backup Daddy at our house....are you interested?
BD: Uhhh.....
Dalton: Why is your face turning colors?
Huston: That is a scientific reaction to fear...we should start with easier questions.
Donovan: Do you want to watch Elmo?
BD: Sure, anything but this interview...
Donovan: Elmo! :::goes into the bathroom to practice for the inevitable potty training by flushing all the toothbrushes down the toilet:::
Madilynn: Would you agree that I am, in fact, a princess? And do you like my shoes?
BD: Yup. Sure.
Madilynn: Hired! :::runs off for the fifteenth wardrobe change of the day:::
Warrick: Not so fast. Have you met my mom? Because you would have to marry her and she's kind of bossy.
BD: What? No, I haven't....Can you go get her please? I just need her to sign this paper and I can go..
Huston: Do you like video games?
BD: Well, not really.
Huston: Hired! I'm not sharing. :::returns to the computer:::
Dalton: Is your last name UPS? Because that's kind of weird, and I go to school and I don't want to have a weird name.
Warrick: Dalton, the kids don't have to change their name, only Mommy.
BD: Can one of you please go get your mom?
Warrick: Hold on a minute! Nobody is getting married around here until I figure some things out. Now, are you available for taking us to the zoo on short notice, preferably on weekends? And do you make enough money to buy more video games?
BD: Seriously, I think you should get your mom.
Warrick: Well, he's wearing that coverall, so I guess he has a job. Good enough. About the zoo, though...
BD: Where's your mom?
Dalton: I'll get my mom, but you can't name her UPS.
Warrick: I don't think this is working out...you'll have to go.
BD: I'm going to just leave this on the porch and...uh... :::runs to the truck:::
