Me: I guess since it's freezing I have to let you in the house. Don't be bad.
Shucks: I won't...I promise. Just let me in....HEY, since when are there trees in the living room?
Me: I'm busy, just leave the tree alone.
Shucks: :::lifts leg and pees on the tree:::
Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Shucks: It's mine. I have to claim it or nobody will know and the tree ghosts will come and steal it. Who do you think is responsible for making sure we still have the trees in the yard? They don't just stay out there by themselves, you know.
Me: Yes they do! That's what trees do! They stay where they are....it's their nature. OMG, you just peed on the Christmas tree!
Shucks: I wasn't peeing on the tree, yo. That would be gross. I was labeling it.
Me: With pee. You labeled it with pee. :::smacks the dog on the nose:::
Shucks: OW! Quit it, I'll box you with my Ninja Paws.
Me: Go freeze, Shucks. Just go outside and freeze. You are not going to come in here and destroy Christmas. Just go.
Shucks: Look, I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry you're upset about this, but I'm not sorry for ensuring that your tree is safe from ghosts. Ok? Just calm down. Why don't you take half of this tortilla that I buried in your closet and we'll talk this out.
Me: You're burying food? In my house?
Shucks: Tortillas are for special occasions only. If you continue to insult my ability to hang onto things, I won't share it with you.
Me: We haven't even had tortillas for a month....I don't think I want to share with you, Shucks.
Shucks: Suit yourself. I'll just go put this other half somewhere... :::digs at Dalton's mattress and hides the tortilla under it:::
Me: Dude, you are disgusting. :::gets the tortilla and puts it in the trash::: What else do you have hidden around here?
Shucks: Nothing :::chews on the shoe I've been looking for for two months:::
Me: SHUCKS! Get out!
Shucks: Why don't you just calm down, woman? I'll be laying down on my nice Christmas pillows over here.
Me: Your Christmas pillows? What exactly do you mean by yours?
Shucks: You know, as in "owned by me".
Me: Owned by you as in "Have your pee on them?"
Shucks: PSH! Whatevs, yo.
