After the tree has been all set up with the diapers and the bricks and the hook, you are ready for the trimmings.
The first thing you need to do is make sure that the tree is still standing. When you leave the room to get the box of ornaments, you are likely to return to your tree looking like this:
I know it's hard to see, due to the fact that the only lighting in my living room is coming from the garland…so here's a better idea:
If you return to find your tree at this angle, you can either throw in the towel and decorate it like this, or start over with your hook and see what you can do. I chose to start over, and managed to find something a little taller than my kitchen chairs to stand on, but next year I'm going to make sure the tree isn't right next to the heater vent and maybe I won't get too hot and pass out and fall off the desk I was standing on. Even Almost Martha learns something new every Christmas.
When the tree is standing (or not), it's time for lights. If you were smart last year, you wrapped your lights around one of those things you buy for your garden hose. If you were not so smart, you also put the part with the plug in first, which means that you now have to unwrap all the lights before you can test them and make sure they work, which renders the garden hose idea useless. If you decide against testing them because you don't want your lights in a pile on the floor, you can go ahead and put them all on the tree. Then, plug them in. Then, see half of them not light up.
Tell your kids it doesn't matter, the lights that don't work just make the ones that do that much more interesting.
