Dear Interwebz,
Please come get my children to sleep. I can't handle anymore.
I tell them to go to bed, and they just don't. I mean, they just don't. They act like I never said anything at all.
So I tell them louder, and also with some herding in the proper direction until everyone is in their room. But they don't lay down.
I tell them to lay down, so they do. And I tuck them in and turn off the lights and go sit down for the first damn time all day, but only for a second because then the parade starts. First it's "I need a drink" followed naturally by "I need to go potty". After that comes "Can I sleep on the couch? Or in your bed? Or anywhere but my own bed, please?"
For dramatic effect, when everyone starts getting super tired, they trot out their major emotional issues. It's usually the last one or two left awake and I've been trying for three hours to get them to sleep, and they will have been quiet for about ten minutes. I think the night is finally coming to an end until I hear footsteps and sniffles. A small being launches itself into my lap and cries "MOOOMMMMMMYYYYY!!!! Everybody hates meeeeeeee!" Or sometimes it's "I had a bad day at school, and I'm never going back again!" Or "I want my Daaaaaaddyyyyyy...call him call him call him call him call him call him call him call him..." And suddenly I'm crying too and asking "Why, why, why didn't you tell me this at dinner when I asked what was wrong with you?" And they're all "because I was fine at dinner!" And I'm all "Then you're fine now, GO TO BED!" And they get ten steps toward their room, but they turn around and ask some off the wall question like "But, Mommy? Was I adopted?" Or "Is there really a Santa?" And I have to tell them that there is a law that says mommies aren't allowed to answer any questions after midnight, so they will just have to ask me in the morning.
Three hours after I should be in bed, they finally fall asleep and I am too stressed out to sleep and it takes until three in the morning before I can stop the spinning in my head and pass out. And that's a good thing, because by four, at least two of the kids will be back up and trying to sneak into my bed with me, which I admit I have been more lenient about out of sheer sleepiness, but it's not really helping things because they steal the covers and also turn off my alarm clock before I hear it and then go back to sleep which is why we miss the bus every morning and pretty much why I wish the world didn't start until one in the afternoon.
So, please, Interwebz, can you fix my kids?
