Position open for Backup Baby-Daddy.
Duties include:
Watching the kids when the ex is unable to do so.
Um, that's pretty much it.
Requirements:
Know stuff about kids
Don't suck
Be on call every weekend
Ability to handle six young people for a day and a half without calling me
Third row seating
Compensation:
My undying gratitude
Other Information:
I don't want another "ex", so there will be no wedding or anything...you just take the kids when he can't. You don't even have to be a dude. Actually, I'd prefer you not be, because not a lot of dudes can't handle this. And there won't be any of the other "ex" duties, such as paying child support or random phone calls where you get to try out all your favorite curse words. Unfortunately, the stalker position has been phased out, and all positions in lawyer-calling, text message-saving, and phone call-recording have been filled. As I said, I just need ya' to watch the kids every once in awhile, because mama gets a little crazy when she doesn't have her alone time.
If you are interested in this position, please fax your resume.
There will be a background check and random drug testing. We have a zero-tolerance drug policy. If, at any time during your employment, you test positive for drugs, we reserve the right to confiscate anything we deem appropriate and not disclose what we have done with it.
