I tell you all my secrets, Interwebz. Except for the ones I don't want anyone to know about, because, let's face it, you're a horrible gossip.
Either way, most of the secrets I don't tell you aren't actually mine. Some of them belong to other people, or at least involve other people and I hate getting sued and I also hate getting yelled at, so I try not to tell those things.
Occasionally, celebrities, who live their lives in the public purely for our entertainment, do some things and I'm all "yup...I did that..." because their secrets are better than mine.
And sometimes, those same celebrities don't even bother with the secrets. They just go on 20/20 after their publicist quits and put it all out there. Aren't they kind? Purely for our edification. Celebrities are so giving, you know?
That being said, I may or may not have a very good personal reason that I would love to punch Charlie Sheen in the face, or anything that will make him just stop talking. Only I won't punch him...mostly because I wasn't the lucky person interviewing him, and also because I'm quite frightened of his fire-breathing fists. And clearly, it would be idiotic to mess around with any bitchin' rock star from Mars, but especially one named Sheen.
Since I am so very afraid, will somebody please make him stop? I appreciate his candor and ability to heal his mind with blinking, but I find it disturbing that one person be allowed to say so many words in so short an amount of time. And as much as I love and condone smoking, someone needs to warn him that only dragons should be breathing smoke with every single breath. However, he may actually be a dragon, and that could be the one secret he isn't telling. Possibly, it's why he no longer has a publicist...maybe it's hard to work for a dragon. Or maybe it's only his fists that are dragons? I don't know.
What I do know is that I would like to learn to defeat earthworms (and creatures that suck so bad we just call them earthworms) with my words. That is what this blog is all about -- Earthworm Defeatery! Also, sucky things defeatery. I was obviously lacking purpose before, pursuing all the wrong goals in my quest to live the life I want. From here on out, it's all about the words and the no-more-earthworms and the defeatage. And also the blinky-healy thing...that could be useful, too.
