I've decided I really enjoy being single. For a long time, I thought I didn't want to be alone. But recently, I started thinking seriously about what it would be like to be married again, and I realized that it will be a long time before I'm ready for that.
I really enjoy making my own plans and cooking whatever I want for dinner. And my bathroom looks like a drag queen stuck all his leftovers to the wall in a fit of rage, but I like it. I'm pretty sure a dude would make me change that.
I also think a husband might mind me spending all my time in the evening blogging and watching Glee and other random high school drama shows. And I'm not giving up Glee for anyone.
I don't want anyone else to make decisions. I am a control freak, and being alone this last year has not helped. Ninja Truck makes me so happy, and due to the fact that it's actually a pretty crappy truck, I can only assume that most of that happiness comes from deciding all by myself to buy that truck.
But I do miss some things. Like just now, I was all comfy on the couch but I wanted some coffee. I thought, maybe if I had a husband, he would have had to use the bathroom or something, and I could say "Hey, will you grab me some coffee on your way back?" And then he couldn't say no because he was standing already.
See, when you're part of a couple, the person standing is always the runner for both people. I have spent entire evenings really wanting to go to bed, but not wanting to be the first to stand up and have to run all the errands. It never failed, as soon as I got up, he would say "Babe, will you get me a glass of water before you go?" And when I brought it to him, he would also need me to get the remote that we had both been too lazy to grab off the top of the TV, and maybe a pillow, and put the clothes in the dryer and by the time I was done, it was an hour later and he would have snuck off to bed when I wasn't looking.
This afternoon, the dog got out and the fire needed to be tended at the same time. I looked around for someone to whom I could delegate one of those issues. There was me. And that was it. For the millionth time, I realized that, no matter how many awesome friends I have, and how much help I have had, I'm still the only adult here. It's all on me. And that's hard.
But then I was all "blogging and chick flicks, yo!" And I was happy again. I got my own coffee, lit a smoke, put on my ugly sweatpants and put my hair in frizzy pigtails and I'm chillin'.
There are definite advantages to being married, and if I can say that after all I've been through, you can surely believe it. But nothing beats being content. If getting my own coffee means I get to choose between bad karaoke and Greek marathons on Friday night, I'll take it.
