2. If the person doing the interview is younger than you, it means that you are officially old. Don't let this get you down. Just remember how dumb you were at that age, and that should lend you enough confidence to get through it. Unless you are still dumb, and then it's best just to try not to talk a lot.
3. Do some research beforehand so you can use Big Words for the Weird Stuff You Know How to Do. I have a ton of experience in lots of things, but when I wrote them all out, they weren't too impressive. Here is a list of real-life skills, transformed into interview-speak:
- Getting out of bed = Scheduling maintenance and enforcement
- Making coffee = Percolation master
- Drinking coffee = Caffeine installer
- Blogging = Typation master, Forum diplomat, Wisdom expeller
- Changing diapers = Shit scooper (trust me, this'll get you any job)
- Getting dressed = Stylist
These are just a few, but you can take any skill and turn it into something professional sounding if you just put "ation" at the end of it (Put on shoesation, Limboation...etc), or if you add the word "specialist" (Texting specialist, sleep specialist...) These are sure-fire.
4. Back in the day, people learned how to meet people. For instance, how to shake hands and look someone in the eye. How to speak clearly and be positive. These things are a lost art, yo. If the person interviewing you is younger, you may scare them off with your fierce handshake and direct eye contact. Try patting them on the head instead. Or just stand awkwardly beside them for a few minutes until they get used to your presence, like you would a strange dog. Or merely ask for their cell number and text them from the next chair.
5. When the interview is over, a handshake depends on how the first one went. If you tried to shake their hand and they looked at you like you were asking for money, perhaps it's best not to try again. If the first handshake went as planned, by all means go for a second one. And try the eye contact thing again. It helps people remember you. Especially if you're super-scary. They'll be like "I don't know why, but that dude with the creepy eye-stare is haunting me...I'll just hire that one because he's the only one I can picture right now, and I already slipped him his first week's pay because of that weird begging thing he did with his hands when he walked in."
If these methods don't get you the job....well, I'm not really that shocked. I never said anything about good advice.
