Once upon a time, I decided to get all organized, because our lack of on-timeness and homework-doneness and matching-clothingness was clearly due to my inability Do Enough Things.
I thought "Why can't we be on time? All we have to do is get All The Things done the night before, then just throw on clothes and leave! How hard can that be?"
So I drove to the kids' school planning how we would come home and get all the homework done first. Then, the kids could do their chores while I cooked dinner. And after that, we would read books on the couch while each child took their turn getting a bath. Then I would tuck them all into bed and they would sleep, and I would go to bed early and sleep, and we would wake up early and The Things would be done....and it would be blissful and timely and we would live happily ever after.
I got to school and picked up five normal kids, and one child who had convinced the school staff that he was dying. They had him laying on a cot in the "Health Room" (which, by the way, is a weird name for the room where they stash the sickies...I think it should be the "Puke Closet" or the "Fever Cabin", but they didn't ask me.) I asked if he had a fever. They said no. I rolled my eyes, because I knew he was faking. They judged me for not being sympathetic. He crept out moaning and limping and they gave me The Look that said "See? He's Super Sick". As soon as we got to the car, he drop kicked my six year old and beat the nine year old to a pulp for the front seat, all without a trace of that limp.
I made him a doctor's appointment, which means waking up even earlier tomorrow to get everyone there before school. But that was ok, because of my Awesome Plan of Timeliness and Function. (PS: He doesn't want to go to the doctor....apparently, he's not quite that sick.)
I got to the daycare to pick up Donovan. He had marker on his face. He looked like a geisha. Also ok, because of bathtime in the Awesome Plan of Timeliness and Function.
I dropped off my niece. It took twenty minutes, mostly because her leg got stuck in her backpack, and then Emma got all tangled in the seat belt and their hair was tangled together, but my niece finally somersaulted out, only getting a little of Emma's hair in the process. And what's twenty minutes to the Awesome Plan of Timeliness and Function? Nothing at all! HA!
I so got this.
So we come home, and everyone starts on their homework. Its 5:00, we're right on schedule. I start a fire in the wood stove because it was getting really cold. I make Easy Food for dinner. We sit down to eat....it's 9:00.
WHAT HAPPENED?
I honestly don't know. But the same thing happened the other day when I was meeting Tracy for coffee and I got in my truck at 2:30, then by the time I turned the key, it was 3:00. I'm either a heavy drinker or there is some alien abduction going on. Or maybe something to do with the kids...
So, Awesome Plan of Timeliness and Function, where did you go? It's an hour past the kids' bedtime and there is no homework done, no chores done, no baths taken or books read. Basically, it took us four hours to be warm and obtain nourishment. Like Little House on the Prairie, only not really because it's 2011 and we pretty much ate chips for dinner.
And this is why I can't fix the problem....Aliens.
