So I made another snake out of another hanger and made up my mind that I was not calling a plumber no matter what happened. And it worked! I fixed it all by myself with the hanger-snake, and I was so proud of myself that, after I got done with a busy morning of doing nothing but Having the Flu, I decided to tackle the washing machine.
The problem was that the water was just trickling into the washer so slowly that it took about three hours to run a load. My landlord informed me that we have hard water, and sometimes it clogs the screens. He said he just takes his out, so I may want to try that. After that, and after I asked a few intelligent questions, he also informed me that "screens" are something located in the hose that brings the water to the washer, which blew my mind because I thought the water was already in the washer and it just dispensed as needed. Either that or maybe the water fairies that live in that tank on top of the toilet. So guess what, y'all, the water fairies are only for toilets, apparently, and the washer is an entirely different process.
So I unhooked the hose, and I found the screen. There are actually two of them, on in the hose, and one in the washer. Neither of them was clogged at all. I took out both of them and made sure, and then I put the one back into the hose because it had rubber all around it, and when it comes to plumbing, you don't mess with the rubber stuff, because that's usually what's keeping the water where it belongs. I left the other one out in case of the hard water issue later. Then I put the hose back and turned the water.
Here is a picture of what I was dealing with and what the end result should be:
The water should flow into the washer just like the arrows show. But instead:
I texted Tracy, but I think I said something like "When you hook up a washer, do you have to out some goo in the hose to recent leaking or do you just screw it on right and it's supposed to work?" And she asked me to say it in English, but by the time I told her to change "out" to "put", and "recent" to "prevent", I was calling my mom to see if she knew the answer. Notice that not any time in this situation did I call someone who would actually know the answer. I need therapy.
My dad told my mom something about the rubber thing, but I was good on that, because I put that back on because you don't mess with the rubber stuff. Only then I remembered that I put it on backwards, so I took it all apart again, and just so you're keeping this in context, it's about three hours later and I still haven't even discovered the original problem the washer was having. I put it back the right way, put the hose back on, and it still leaked. I noticed it was on crooked, so I put it on very straight. Only every time I got it about halfway on, it would go crooked again.
Finally, I decided to just keep tightening it until the water stopped spraying everywhere. It worked. It's still crooked and a tad precarious and frankly, I left the washer about five feet from the wall where it blocks the dryer door because I was afraid of hose-movage if I put it back.
Then it was time to find out what was really wrong with the washer, so I turned it on to see exactly where the water fairies hoses brought the water. And it worked fantastically. I don't know what I did to fix it, but I'm good, yo.
Then I smelled something burning, only it wasn't the washer, it was the dinner. And that's why I don't believe in divorce, because one person should be breaking the washer while the other one burns dinner so they can be mad at each other instead of me just saying to myself "Why did you break the washer?" "I don't know, why did you burn dinner?" "You should have called the guy" "Well at least I can make Tuna Helper without burning it." "Shut up!" "You shut up." "Your mom." "Your face."
After it was all over, I told Emma, "I fixed the washer, I fixed the toilet, I faxed the papers, I got a job, I Had the Flu, I fed the kids, I cleaned the kitchen…" And Emma said "…but you still have to get me jammies." And so went the rest of the day.
