Our family has had a rough couple of days. I have spent quite a few hours trying to write about it, but Interwebz, I just can't do it! Instead, I'll throw it in my book, and you can read this....
Police, Field Trips, and Why Emma gets Left at School from Now On...
I took the kids to the police station today on the way home from school. I thought this would be a great way to break up the screaming/fighting/murdering that goes on in the back seat all the way home, and also be a chance for the kids to learn something. We all piled out of the car, went inside and sat in the lobby.
Officer: Ma'am, can I help you with something?
Me: :::looks closely at the officer::: Prolly not...got any big scary officers back there we can talk to?
Officer: Is there something you need help with?
Me: Yes, but I just don't think you're quite the right public servant...I need someone scary.
Officer: Ma'am, I'm not sure what you think you're doing, but if you are here for a reason, you can tell me about it and I will direct you to the right person.
Me: Well, my kids were trying to kill each other on the way home from school. After my ears started bleeding and I was tempted to just get out and let my fourth grader take the wheel, I decided to bring them here.
Officer: We don't arrest children.
Me: :::puppy face::: pwwweeeease????
Officer: :::sighs::: I think you need to leave.
Me: Wait! I've seen those talk shows where you guys get a big scary officer and have him yell at the bad kids until they cry and then they change their ways and their moms are so happy and relaxed after that...can I get some of that?
Officer: This isn't a drive-through.
Me: Aren't you a public servant? Well....I'm part of the public, right? So fix my kid, I order thee!
Officer: Ma'am, if I have to go get a big scary officer, he will be coming after you, not the kids.
Me: Oh. :::sad face:::
Officer: :::taps foot:::
Me: Ok, wait, I have one more question...
Officer: ...
Me: Oh, well, uh, see, my daughter Emma? She screams all the way home, and she's like, unnaturally loud. I thought maybe you could give her a job? Help her work out some of her frustrations? She's four, but she's very precocious.
Officer: A job?
Me: ....yes?
Officer: Are you serious?
Me: yes?
Officer: You want your four year old little girl to be a police officer? I'm calling CPS...
Me: No! :::grabs the phone from him and hangs it up::: :::chuckles::: Of course not! I thought she could be a siren.
Officer: A...siren?
Me: Yeah, like the thing that makes all the noise when you need people to get out of the way? She's good at that. When we left the school today, we didn't have to worry about traffic because she was pulling people over all the way here.
Officer: Are you talking about (my kids' school) right when it got out? Because we did have an emergency in that area, and there was a minivan that would not get out of the officer's way. Would that have been you?
Me: No, I saw that van, it wasn't me. I was in the van who pulled that officer over because even he thought I was an emergency vehicle.
Officer: You need to go. Now.
Me: So, we'll just get back to you on the job...? No?
