Today was Get Ready For Blizzardage, Round Two. Half of North America was at my Walmart, so we went to Target. The other half was at Target, so I don't know who all the people were blocking all the streets and buying all the firewood. I remember the millennium, and it wasn't as bad as OMGIt'sGonnaSnowTWICE day.
I started the new job today, and it's a little sad, because I think I would really enjoy it, but I am so overwhelmed by what it took out of my family to get there.
This morning, Madi had to dress up like she was 100 years old for school. So we got up super early, we dressed Madi like a weirdo, and then the rest of us wore normal stuff. Then we left. Then we were thirty minutes behind. I don't know how, other than that's just how we roll.
My mom watched the girls, and Donovan's daycare agreed to take him early. I dropped the other boys at school and waited in line for fifteen minutes because all those people who were at Walmart after school were also in line at my kids' school this morning.
I was finally on my way, and I got pulled over. For speeding. Like a kid. Only I checked my speed and I wasn't speeding. There did happen to be two orange cones near the side of the road, which apparently designates a construction zone during for the times when there is no actual construction but they still want people to think things are getting done. So the speed limit was lowered 15mph, and I got my first speeding ticket.
I got lucky, though, because Ninja Truck is legally challenged, and so am I, but I didn't know that. I didn't get a ticket for that, and I didn't even have to cry. All in all, I call it a win.
Officer: I pulled you over for speeding.
Me: I was speeding?
Officer: See that cone? That means construction, little lady.
Me: That cone means "construction"?
Officer: Well, it's orange.
Me: Ohhh...so, orange cone equals construction? As opposed to actual men standing around literally constructing things?
Officer: Yip.
Me: I didn't know.
Officer: Yip.
Me: I thought it was a Christmas tree.
Officer: Construction
Me: I'ma get me some cones to put around my house.
Officer: Driver's license?
Me: Oh sure! Absolutely.
Officer: This is expired.
Me: Wha...?
Officer: Yip. Last week.
Me: Here, lemme see it.... :::draws a cone shape with orange sharpie on the license::: See? I'm working on it.
Officer: Are you a government employee?
Me: No
Officer: Cones don't count for you.
Me: Damn.
Officer: Did you steal this truck?
Me: Only if you ask the Nazi Truck Lady.
Officer: Ma'am, you realize how many tickets I can give you? You are in violation of Regulation No.874: Smartassery in the first degree.
Me: :::pause::: I didn't know that was a thing.
Officer: See that orange cone on this ticket? I'm working on making it a thing.
Me: Damn.
Officer: I'm going to let you off with one ticket for ten over so it won't affect your :::ahem::: insurance (which you'll note I didn't ask you to show me).
Me: Um....thank you?
Officer: But only if you get that license taken care of tomorrow.
Me: Ok, but there's a OMGBlizzard tomorrow.
Officer: Yip.
Me: Ok... :(
Officer: Lates, yo.
