Have you ever noticed that the funniest people are also the most tortured? Most great comedians have had pretty rough lives.
When I was about eight, I decided I wanted to do stand-up when I grew up. Right. It was after a glimpse of SNL in which Dana Carvey was George Bush making campaign promises. I wasn't really old enough to know why it was funny at the time, but it was enough to saddle my parents with countless evenings watching me try in vain to be "Dana-Carvey-doing-George-Bush".
Needless to say, the pity laughs were present and obvious, so I vowed that no matter what else I did, I would be funny some day.
Damn. Another dream bites the dust.
I have been tortured, world! Where is my funny??? I go out and do things on purpose that are going to cause me great harm, just so I can find the funny, but it never comes. Or actually, it's really funny but also completely inappropriate! What's up with that? When I do get the funny, I would get in trouble for sharing it.
I think this isn't fair. Do you realize what this means? I wasn't ever the little girl who dreamed of Prince Charming and what my wedding would look like. I never wanted to be a princess or the first woman president or anything sweet and charming like that. I wanted to be a tortured, drunk, cigarette smoking stand-up comedienne...it's all I wanted out of life. So instead, I'm learning how to use a calculator super-fast. Awesome, yo.
I guess I wouldn't really like life on the road, being all famous and dealing with expectations of constant funny. It would be hard. So I just smoke the cigarettes.
