Household Dysfunction Going Out of Business Sale!
Everything must go! Hurry, these items will go fast!
1 - 6 pack of Natty Light, half-consumed. Actually, half of three consumed, because who can drink a whole one? Three times I thought the alcohol content would be worth it, three times it wasn't.
18 - shoes, each missing its mate. Various sizes. Includes a free treasure map written by two-year-olds to help you locate the missing shoe.
1 - pr. of boxing gloves, useful for those drinking bones connected to the party bones connected to the staying out all night long nights. Never used - decided it was fists or nothin.
4 - busted alarm clocks. Perfect for those mornings when nobody wants to get anywhere when they belong there.
1 - giant couch. Contains everything you need to discourage visitors in your living room, including knife punctures, childrens' names written in permanent marker, a small amount of snot and spit-up, dog hair, minimal amount of stuffing (including a portion hanging out at the top), *coffee stains and a very interesting smell.
514 - psychotropic pills in a variety of strengths and brands. Never tried them myself, but perhaps they would work on your own partner. (Warning: Apparently, they don't work if they stay in the bottle???)
1 million - pre-smoked ciggies. All smoked at peak midnight hours during awesome emotional break-downs and hours long conversations with besties.
6 - kids who NEVER EVER SLEEP! Not for permanent sale, but you may come over and tell them to go to bed four thousand times each night. (BONUS: This one is FREE!)
17 - video games, various consoles. Good for anyone who doesn't want to see their spouse for ten years or so.
1 - divorce attorney. Doesn't return emails promptly. Is very nice with shiny hair and watch. Wears fancy shoes, and knows big words.
1 - DHS social worker. Comes free with a false charge.
BONUS BUY: One dead something. Free to first person who can get it out of the attic. Extra smelly.
All items are first come, first serve.
Happy Dysfunctioning!
*I didn't spill it, the dog did. ;)
