It seems that some people don't get that Facebook isn't real life. I guess it's your real friends, or at least mostly people you've met before. And I get that there are some real topics being discussed(aside from "OMG! I woke up!" "OMG I brushed my teeth"...because, really, that's what Twitter is for). I find Facebook to be a continuous source of stuff at which to laugh.
A couple of days ago, a friend of mine posted something that one of his friends didn't understand. Then another friend chimed in and called this person a "Barbie" for not getting it. So the first girl responds with what was meant to be a scathing put-down, and ended up being proof that she was smart enough to know she was being insulted, but not one iota smarter than that.
As badly as I want to post her entire comment here, because I laughed harder and longer at it than any of you have ever laughed at this blog, I won't, because I don't know her and maybe she's a really nice person and I shouldn't be mean to her. Instead, I had to give her some cred for coming up with my new favorite verb: splat.
Her exact phrase was "...how can you splat that out to someone you don't know?" Right? C'mon people, if you're going to be splatting out your thoughts and opinions, you really should try not to get it on strangers. It's offensive at best, at worst, they could get some sort of disease and DIIIE, and then you get a free ticket to jail on a Manslaughter by Opinion charge. Is this what you want, Interwebz????
So, some rules:
1. Don't splat things out until the splatter makes sense.
2. Don't splat anything on your friends without their permission.
3. Clean up any splat that may have been left behind.
4. Forensic units can tell a lot from your splatter pattern, so be very careful that you don't splat near any murdered people.
5. NEVER EVER splat anything on people you don't know.
