Big Sisters are Ninjas

When I first got my license, I took my little brothers and sisters to church one week for my mom.  I think she was sick or something.  After that, I thought I would be all cool and take them to McDonald's, because little kids like that stuff, and I figured that would ensure I would have babysitters in the event I got knocked up or something.  (Totally worked, by the way.)

About four seconds after we got our food, my little brother (about five at the time) ralphed all over my car.  I don't do this stuff.  Even now that I'm a mom, I don't really handle puke very well...it makes me all stabby and murdery feeling.  The only reason I didn't scream at him (because yes, that is how evil I am) is that he had been sick on and off for months, and we were all worried that there was something very wrong with him. 

So I help the kid out of the car and he..erm...finished up behind my car.  Across the parking lot, there were two guys eating in their car, and while I felt vaguely sorry for ruining their lunch, there wasn't much I could do about it. 

The guys rolled their windows down and started yelling things at my brother.  They weren't calling him names or anything, they just thought it would be really funny to yell gross stuff and see if they could make him even more sick.

Here's the thing.  Don't screw with my little brother.  Actually, don't screw with any of my siblings.  Because it makes me a little insane.  Just in case you forgot, I was already stabby from the puking, so now these guys were gonna' get stabby and insane.

I cleaned up my brother, put him in the car, and walked deliberately to the pickup with the two assholes inside.  They saw me coming and rolled up the windows.  That wasn't going to work...I was insane.  And they were mean to my brother.  So I pounded on the window.  The driver got out.  He pretty much looked like this:

I was skeered.  But also crazy and murdery.  So even when this guy got out of his truck, stood two inches in front of my face, and said "What's the problem", I went off on his ass.  I told him he was a jerk for picking on a little kid, and that my brother had been sick for a long time and he should watch what he was saying, and that also, don't mess with my brother, yo.  Then I stared him right in the eye and tried not to pee my pants because I may have been crazy, but I was still sane enough to be scared.

He said "you look hot when you're pissed."  I said "you're an ass".  I walked away.  He followed.  I was very frightened, and all my bravado had chosen that minute to go away.  It took all I could not to run.  He followed me all the way to my car, didn't kill me, and apologized to my brother.  Then he told me he was sorry and asked if he could help me.  I glared at him because I was still so scared that I couldn't talk anymore.  He took that for "dignified cold-shoulder", apologized again and left.

So take that, big scary old dude.  I'll get all crazy-stabby-but-really-scared-to-death-of-you until you DIE if you're ever mean to my brother again!  I have big sister ninja powers, yo.  Or at least I did...I'm not really hot when I'm pissed anymore...more like, well, just pissed.