Me: (freaked out) What's wrong, Shucks? Is there a bad guy outside?
Shucks: No, it's this scary white thing in the bathroom...it's...well, I've never seen anything like it.
Me: Dude, it's a toilet. It's like, the whole point of the bathroom.
Shucks: No, I mean it, I think it's a murderous shape-shifter or something. It's totally gonna' eat us. I'm gonna' bark at it until it dies.
Me: It's two o'clock in the morning. I don't think it's going to eat us. Let's stop barking and go to sleep.
Shucks: :::barks louder::: nuh-uh, I still think it's dangerous...I better bark some more. I have super-death-bark powers, and eventually, this thing is gonna' come crashing down.
Me: :::shuts the bathroom door::: There, now it's locked in and it won't get us.
Shucks: Well, ok, but I'm going to lay right here next to the door all night, and if I hear so much as a peep, I'm breaking out my Death Bark and maybe even some Super Paw Shakes. If that doesn't work, I'll hide in the closet and you can tell me when you've killed it.
Me: zzzzzzz
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(Two days later...)
Shucks: :::barking maniacally at the bathroom door::: Do you hear that? It's talking to me. It said it's going to eat us. I told you.
Me: It's just flushing, it's supposed to do that.
Shucks: Why hasn't it stopped? Nobody is in there...unless it's eaten one of the kids!!!! :::GASP::: :::furious barking:::
Me: Shut UP! The kids are asleep...it's an old toilet. :::jiggles the lever::: See? It's not talking anymore, go to sleep.
Shucks: :::giant doggy sigh::: You have no clue, woman. I'm tellin' you that thing is going to get us some day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Three weeks later, landlords have installed a new toilet)
Me: :::ears bleeding from terrible barking noises::: WHAT IS THE DEAL????
Shucks: I TOLD you, I TOLD you...it looks all different. I told you it was a murderous shape-shifter! Why don't you listen to me. Now you go away so I don't accidentally hurt you with my Death Bark and Super Paw Shake. :::proceeds to blast new toilet to smithereens with Super Death Bark:::
