Today I finally finished proving that I should be allowed to raise my own kids. Even though I am feeling a little triumphant about that, I am still very angry, because being allowed to raise my own kids isn't really something at which anyone should have to feel they won. Because, well, you're supposed to do that. Raise your own kids, I mean. And it's a little creepy knowing that the government can decide that your kids would be better off with someone else. (Please don't explain to me the reason for DHS..I know they do good work, too. I also know that some people should never be allowed to contact them.)
Also, I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to talk about this on the Interwebz, but I don't care because, as un-classy as it is to have DHS showing up on your porch, I'm not the un-classy idiot who called them over here. They didn't give me the Class Award, either, but they did say that I wasn't a danger to society or to my children, so that's something to be proud of, I guess...Something I can shout from the rooftops..."Hey, WORLD! I don't suck as bad as someone thought I did!!!!" Stick that in your birthday cake and blow it out, you DHS-calling peace-stealer. (Oh, I have better names than that, I'm saving them.)
So, I got the You Don't Suck Too Bad award. It looks more like a business card stuck in a pamphlet explaining what Child Protective Services is all about, but really, it's a classy award. No. It is. For me. Because I don't suck. Well, because I don't suck too bad, hence the name. I'm not going to frame it or anything, because I don't want to look like I'm bragging when my friends come over with their kids, because just because they have their kids doesn't really mean that they don't suck as much as I don't suck. It could mean that they don't have an ex-husband or that he hasn't gotten around to telling DHS to give them their award yet, and I would hate for their feelings to be hurt that they don't have one. Not every single mom has an ex-husband at all, let alone one that still has such tender feelings for her that he will call her in her own special business card/pamphlet award from DHS. (Not that my ex called them, I'm pretty sure it was the Tooth Fairy, because two of the kids lost teeth last week, and she was the only other person with access to my house.) Also? Not everyone is as mediocrely sucky as me.
My kids are bummed because they thought they were going to go live in a magical castle where they would never have chores or homework, but instead, they get boring old mom with the chores and homework and everything, but I think they'll be ok. As much as they say they want ice cream every night, they sure weren't very impressed when they saw the curious lady from school at our house. They became ninjas right away and started planning what they would do if someone tried to make them live somewhere else. Their plan involved lots of hair pulling and screaming, which pretty much sounds like the same plan for any time they get in the car, and it sure works on me. About halfway home from school, I want to call DHS on myself, so I'm pretty sure their ninja plan was a great idea, because anyone who tried to take them anywhere would get halfway down our driveway and change their mind. My kids are smart, yo.
All-in-all, this week has SUCKED. I never really get angry, but it's on. Do not mess with my kids.
