So that the entire world, nay, the entire Interwebz! (Mars is online, right?) can benefit from my experiences of the last two weeks, I will try to narrow it down to
Ten Life Truths:
1. If you wear enough eyeliner, people are afraid of you.
2. Sandwiches are always better if someone else makes them.
...
I meant Two Life Truths. Yeah. Because what else really matters, anyway?
Today was D-day for us...as in DHS day. It went fine, but they showed up right when I was leaving to pick up the kids from school. They looked around the house, and made an appointment to come back tomorrow. That'll be a fun talk. I'm going to love every second of that talk. No, really. Because if you have a bully, but you can't tell their mom, your teacher, your counselor, or the principle, I think you get to tell DHS. And they won't care, either, but it'll feel good to tattle. And I'll be all "nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo! I told on youuuuuu!" And stick my tongue out and stuff. Oh, how I miss kindergarten.
My dog just said that somebody is outside, so if this post ends here, call the police and my mommy, then rush over with cookies, because I kind of deserve cookies after the week I've had, and I don't think it's cool that my mom went out of town and didn't bring me any cookies first. If the post continues, please be informed that my dog is a LIAR, and he tells me that bad guys are outside because he thinks he can convince me that there really was a bad guy before Shucks scared him away with his Death Bark. So when I run to the window to check, he goes like this:
"Didja see the bad guy? Didja, Didja? Of course you didn't, because I skeered him away! Cookie time!"
So he gets a cookie, because I can afford to send him to badass school and cookies for barking is really the best I can do right now. Do you think there is a DHS for dogs? Will they get upset about the cookie thing? Or the badass thing, I wonder? Or maybe his porch isn't clean enough for him...perhaps I don't clean up his poo fast enough? Or maybe he needs better chow....dang it...I'll bet the Human DHS called the Dog DHS on me and now I'm in trouble with every-damn-body. I knew this would happen. I wonder if they interviewed him while I was off doing sinister things like laundry and dishes...oh I'm in trouuuuuuuubllllllle.
Crap! What if there's a DHS for Jason F. Brown...I know I've abused him. All three of him. Poor wittle Jason F. Brown...if there's a DHS for you, please don't call them on me, because I'm seriously booked till Christmas. Wait a minute....Is there a DHS for Christmas? Oh, man, because I know I am guilty of over-decorating at best, and could possibly be charged with bad karaoke on Christmas night. Actually, bad karaoke quite often...
...uh....
....there's not a DHS for karaoke, is there?
Aw, crap.
