Dear People Who Won't STOP SCREWING WITH ME,
I have had six sick children this week. I have missed one day less than the maximum of school days in order to be with these sick children. I am one absence away from academic probation, not based on my grades, but on the fact that my kids come first, and I needed to take care of them.
So today, after I got home from picking up the non-sick children from school, it was just Totally Awesome when they found the note on my door from DHS. That was fan-freakin-tastic. What made it even better was that, in spite of my terrible mothering, they somehow know how to read.
As many times as I have used this blog to brag about the funny things my kids say, I never thought I would hear "Mommy, does this mean we have to go live with someone else?" Lovely, really. Because, for all of you who are "only thinking of the children"...I'm sure that makes your day. It's very good for kids to not ever feel secure and to wonder if today is the day they get to go live with strangers...I'm sure they're all very excited at the prospect. I just hope you don't feel bad that when it doesn't happen and you got their hopes up for nothing. I really. do. hope. you. don't. feel. bad. Because I'm sure that would suck for you.
It's also cool that people get to leave notes on my door, completely screw with my head, ask me to call them as soon as possible and then not return my phone calls. Thanks, yo. I hope you're having a nice relaxing evening at home with your family. I really do. Honestly. Because, ya' know, I am sure that would be nice after a stressful workday. Not that I know that first hand, but I'm sure it's nice for you.
Also, I am just loving the idea that I, as a parent, am expected to entrust my children to total strangers at the public school, yet the strangers cannot entrust my children to me, their mother, but felt the need to interview my kids behind my back, without my consent, without even telling me afterward. That's just amazing of you guys, really. Don't send them home with their mother until we lock them alone in a room with a complete stranger. Totally appropriate, really.
Also? Really a good day to send home yet another request for my kids to bring more shit up to the school. It really was. Because I'm all about supporting our schools, yo...because ya know, they're so awesome and everything. What with the learning, the interfering and all of the physical exams behind closed doors. Where do I send my check???????????
Is this because of the bruises? Probably not, because there was one scraped knee on a FOUR-year-old. Maybe because of the obvious malnutrition? Nope, nothing I can see...they're all a normal weight. Oh, I know, it's because of the fruit loop on the floor of the car! I knew that teacher was judging me for that.
Maybe because they were five minutes late to class? Because if anyone has a problem with that, they are welcome to come get all six of my kids out the door in the morning for me. Really, go ahead and do that for a week. Then multiply that by fifty-two, then again by ten, and maybe you'll know what I deal with here. Except you won't, unless you add in the rest of the day. Also, add in PEOPLE WHO SCREW WITH YOU. And you may want to add in the fact that you even have stresses that don't involve your children. But maybe not, because those things barely even register when compared with your kids. So try it out and get back with me. If you kick my ass at it, that's just awesome, but you won't. (By the way, the house needs to be clean, dinner needs to be made after you take the kids grocery shopping, five of them have homework that requires your help, they all need bathed, and the toilet is flooding....have fun! :D )
And lastly, to The Caller. Bravo. You've actually outdone yourself this time. I didn't know it could be done, but congratulations. I'm sure the kids would like to thank you, but I'm going to be a Super Bitch and not tell them who is responsible for this.
But here's the thing: I know who you are. And you have my sincere gratitude. Really. No, really. And let me tell you, my thanks is something you're just gonna' be so glad you have! LOL! No, really. Because I'm a Very Nice Girl, and I do things like make cookies and stuff, so I'm sure you'll have a gift basket or some other lovely thing coming your way, just as soon as I get done with all these pesky meetings and stuff.
Until then, my sincerest regards, and also some other feelings,
Me.
Ps: The Rednecks send their love.
